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    dots Submission Name: your victimdots

    Author: Raistlin Sith
    ASL Info:    22/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 106/182/66
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1246
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1256

       i felt the need to let it out again, though I'll spare you the analysis.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyour victimdots

    i won't sit here for another day
    while you steal parts of me
    that have been so closely guarded
    that nobody else could see

    i won't let you keep on whispering
    those stupid fucking chants
    washing yourself clean while
    I still hear your fucking pants.

    I bet you won't air that confession
    and you know god wasn't there
    when you left all those words
    just hanging in the air.

    I'm tired of losing everything
    to your fucking memory
    to the first thought of the morning,
    before it hits me that I'm free.

    I'm tired of your dirty hands
    reaching for my jeans
    your rancid breath across my neck
    until almost my teens.

    I can barely handle it
    when she gets stuck outside
    trying to get inside my head
    and I can't help but hide.

    I keep screaming on the inside
    everything I need to say,
    praying that she hears me
    but I just can't find a way.

    I fought you as hard as I could
    each step of the path,
    until I became your fucking victim
    and you never felt my wrath.

    Submitted on 2008-03-25 00:08:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Rage is an emotion that it seems is hard to express but you showed it so gracefully. Why is it that it seems the person we care bout always does things to hurt us? Why does life have to be so hard? So many questions that need to be answered. But letting it out helps. I feel your pain and I hope things turn around for the better.

    | Posted on 2008-03-27 00:00:00 | by poet09 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked the rage that was in this, pure madness, and it was very well arranged and organized. it read easily from beginning to end with no hang ups, easy to understand and the message was clear. well done and thnx for sharing this!!
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by scissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very beautiful form of expression it's solid too b/c you stuck with a 2-4 set up.You seemed pissed off and fed up with this person.This made me feel as though I enjoyed reading it very much.If you did not have that set up you would have bored me.It made me feel this way b/c of the thought of ppl who take advantage of others who's kindness is tooken for weakness."I won't sit here for another day while you steal parts from me." That grabbed me and you established great timing with those lines.This is a piece I can read more than twice.
    You had a two way street with the lines: "I bet you won't air that confession and you know God was'nt there" Could have been this way (I bet you would'nt dare air that confession if you knew that God was there.) Your way of putting it is little off b/c you brought it to the reader differently than just being flat out, but you still have a marvellous poem here.I can also see that in this poem the person your referring to, you have more power than they do which is b/c you reveal them so honestly with the doors of obscurity.I even enjoyed studying this piece.This is so tough b/c I don't know whether to give you 4.5stars or a golden 5.
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]

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