Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Glimpse of Threedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 88/89/66
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 85
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1914



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Glimpse of Threedots
    -------------------------------------------







    i
    just don't know where to begin
    my heart is breaking, to my chagrin
    i've been giving in to this tailspin
    and everyone's falling down

    lost
    in my thoughts, i'm racing to die
    give me a reason why i shouldn't try
    a piece of my head has long gone awry
    and everyone's falling down

    myself
    is someone i don't know anymore
    haphazardly trying to even the score
    but my eyes are drifting towards the floor
    and everyone's falling down

    somewhere
    down the road i forgot to breathe
    looked in the mirror and saw two of me
    but now i've caught a glimpse of three
    and everyone's falling down

    along
    the lines of retrospect
    that waver between reflect and regret
    i believe i may be a counterfeit...
    and everyone's falling down

    the
    frame of my mind is weak, at best
    karma is kicking my ass, i guess
    it seems i'm going in a bit overdressed
    still, everyone's falling down...

    way
    back in the back of my mind where it aches
    nothing is sacred and everything breaks
    but i'll fight and i'll try to fix my mistakes
    and everyone's fallen down



    _______________________________________________________




    Submitted on 2008-03-25 01:08:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      While the rhyming scheme/pattern was consistent throughout the poem, it seemed somewhat awkward and unfitting for the poem. I enjoy the bold emphasis on the words at the beginning of each stanza, however. It really gives a nice little introduction of what to come.

    Stygian
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by Stygian | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    159418



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry