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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Betterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Piper
    ASL Info:    17/ Female/ Europe
    Elite Ratio:    2.78 - 31/41/27
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 87
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 926



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There is so many things we did
    That we shouldn't have done
    And there is so many pills that we took
    We shouldn't have taken them
    But forget about it, erase your memory,
    Because I know it, and I'm feeling it in my blood
    We're getting better now.

    Scars on my arms, and bruises on my legs
    Tell their own story of life and pain
    But you should let them fade,
    Keep on walking,
    Because the wind is in your hair,
    And you know that
    We're getting better now.

    Our mouths filled with Prozac
    But it doesn't help, it doesn't set us free
    I'll never be something you want to see
    So fuck off, you're erased from my list
    If you don't want us the way we are
    Go away, you can't have it
    'Cause we're getting better now.




    Submitted on 2008-03-25 07:44:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good for you Piper, Way to go!
    I like it, this is a good write.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2008-03-26 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      Piper, you are so lovely!

    This is an excellent poem, and I hope it will be an inspiration to the many young people (or people of any age, for that matter) that read it.

    You have a grammar correction that is needed, and which would help your delightful poem;

    the plural "are" should be used instead of singular "is" in the verses

    (are)
    "There is so many things we did"

    (are)
    "And there is so many pills that we took"

    You have an excellent structure, rhyme scheme, and story in this most excellent poem!
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]



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