Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Posterity of Wolves - Part IVdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AsiaticFox
    ASL Info:    19/M/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    7.19 - 135/97/95
    Words: 408
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 66
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2894



    Description:
       More pieces of "Posterity of Wolves". One more left to go.

    This one is a tad longer, so bear with me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Posterity of Wolves - Part IVdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh that the fire
    would yield to a
    Word. A ray of
    peace within my being.

    The jagged knife goes
    gently into the soul. Tears
    cascade forth in numbers.

    Oh life bringer, feed
    me. Milk is not
    enough for this man.

    -

    The roof garden is closed
    for the season. No princes
    can wander and commit
    art.

    This crown lies restless
    in the anteroom.
    I miss the roof chamber
    where visions would
    seize me constantly.

    -

    Shangri-la's music
    filters down into
    the earth. Asia grows
    upon the word
    of a secret.

    The fox crosses the stream.
    Paradise is the song
    of the Abyssinian lyre.

    -

    Luminous with starlight
    but paling to dawn. It
    rushes through the fields
    with the wind in its
    feet.

    Go find the caged
    goddess. She will multiply
    the stars.
    The great warm burrow
    aches for the sound
    of new life.

    Break the cage.
    She will be subdued.

    -

    I am caught feverish
    among strewn books.

    No words arouse my
    heart. The spirit does
    not seem to be
    with me today.

    To lift the sun. To
    warm the valley river.

    -

    A crowd on the mountain.
    Abattoir commotion.

    Jolly Roger upon
    the turbulent sea.

    Shouts in the darkness.
    The ground devours
    the blind.

    The wicked chorus moans
    in the red pool of the
    decision.

    -

    The skylark drags a third
    of the evening sky.
    The stars on the mountaintop
    cascade into the valley
    of dreams.

    Crickets sing. Silent thoughts
    become manifest, they
    grow into tangible
    miracles.

    The citizens of Corazon carry
    half-dead men
    to soothing rest.

    So love does still abound.
    If only oil and wine
    were pouring into my heart.

    -

    Do you listen, O Life Bringer,
    when I call?

    For an emptiness has
    taken me and has reduced me
    to a wild man in the field.
    Scarlet has bloomed in my flesh,
    and I have hidden it from sight.

    Must I reveal it? It pains me
    to do so, O Life Bringer. I
    cry out with birth pains
    among the secret. It is trying
    to be born before them.

    My spirit tank is empty,
    and there is no station in sight.
    O Life Bringer, make scarlet white.
    Tow me to you and help me
    give birth to the truth.




    Submitted on 2008-03-25 09:31:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Oh that the fire
    would yield to a
    Word. A ray of
    peace within my being.

    The jagged knife goes
    gently into the soul. Tears
    cascade forth in numbers.

    Oh life bringer, feed
    me. Milk is not
    enough for this man."


    ok first this is so far really interesting.
    which is good cause i honestly hate reading things that dont catch my interest in the begining, its amazing that im a Stephen King Fan o.o the only thing i do not really care for is the "oh" i've just seen this word butcherd so many times i think its now become a pet peave.
    Other than that your description of this is wonderful kinda reminds me of old type poetry.

    The roof garden is closed
    for the season. No princes
    can wander and commit
    art.

    This crown lies restless
    in the anteroom.
    I miss the roof chamber
    where visions would
    seize me constantly.

    im not an expert on symbolism, though i know someone who all he does is think up ways on stumping people with symbolic writings. so i cant confess to know exactly what your talking about. but from the visiual this is really nicely done. Maybe if i could see the screen with out it moving i would understand more.

    near the end you say O Life Bringer a lot, dont get me wrong this is a very well writen poem and there is really no mistakes that i can find, i just think this poem would do better without allthe "O Life Bringer" i hope i dont offend you in this but that is my honest opinon. Well really i read it through and i dont see anything that needs to be critiaudd and i just really hate saying good job and then moving on with out saying something helpful so ill just leave it as it is considering there is nothing i can critique. sorry for my aweful spelling and good job hun

    all the love,
    Nikki.
    | Posted on 2008-03-26 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    159425



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry