You managed to convey a very good sense of tempo and rhythm even though you used very few literary devices. Each 4 line stanza builds and sets appropriately, making the poem flow smooth, and in this poems case, very smooth. Not to mention you show a somewhat masterful display of diction in that your able to accurately describe scenes and events in ways that are satisfying to the tongue to mouth and form.
I am somewhat oblivious to a lot of religious references, because I've never been the religious type. But the constant references seem to bring up the fact that what your describing is much larger than life in general. You speak of "watching" from above, and the sense of time in the poem is stretched so far and thin its like infinity.
So... from the south? Shouldn't it be "Now we're all watching from above"?
This reminds me heavily of the Odyssey, and partly on the bible. Mainly the story of the birth of Christ. Also reminds me of the tone Martin Luther King (jr?) used to deliver his speech.
So, in some way, and in a weird way, it sounds like you're prophesying something. Like the apocalypse. Or the revival of some value that we forgot about. Like religion.
Honestly, I wonder why there's so many allusions to religion/religious figures/historical religious figures. The Magus is just as good as the king, or the vagabond. Not that I have anything against it being in the poem, it's what aids the poem's movement; it's a personal conflict. If I have used religion in a poem, then it's used in a negative way.
Submission Name: The Gleaming Hour
