simple and straight to the point. I like it. and like blu-kittin said it's not sugar coated, and it gets the point across. You really seem to have passion for this subject in this poem.
It bugs me when i think about places, like INdia that have major poverty issues, but it surprises me, though i know it shouldn't. That even here in Connecticut, USA we have poverty. maybe not as bad but it's there.
As for the poem, i liked it and the word choice. But i thought spreading it out like that seemed to shorten it. Instead of spaceing it out and enlonging it, like you seemed to try to do. ANd alothough the wording was a plus the poem in a whole seemed a little lacking, like it could be explained a little more, but that's only me and my opinion.
it is stark and simple, which can be a good thing in poetry as many people tend to make it over flowery and use too much prose. However the style is maybe a little bit TOO stark. It just is. there doesn't seem to be much emotion or depth to the piece, which I think can make or break a poem. And while that might have been your intention, it leaves the piece falling just short of really good work and just a little bit flat.
So. I think it has potential. Maybe a tweak or two.
Submission Name: Fall from Grace
