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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: lets exchange a secretdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: love_confusion
    ASL Info:    15/f/ct
    Elite Ratio:    1.63 - 4/19/23
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 128
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 781



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslets exchange a secretdots
    -------------------------------------------


    lets exchange a secret
    promise not to tell a soul
    a memory to bond us closer
    to let us in on what we don't know
    we'll whisper it beneath the stars
    or perhaps on a roof top
    we'll whisper it on a magical place
    that way we'll never forget where it took place
    I'll look upon your trusting face share a smile & embrace
    then your turn will soon to come
    where you'll let me in, in your life
    a secret that will bring us together
    unite us as one, maybe forever
    that way we'll look down on the world
    maybe with laughter or perhaps with tears
    but we'll have each other, not matter which way
    & with these two secrets we made our fate




    Submitted on 2008-03-28 14:36:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very lovely. Such a beautiful idea.

    I agree with the previous comments in the areas that seem "out of place."

    It can be hard to write out your feelings sometimes, especially about love, but you did a very good job expressing the moments you wish you share with your love.
    | Posted on 2008-03-29 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      the fourth line seems kinda awkward syllable-wise. when i read it in my head it sticks out oddly. it sounds like it has too many

    we'll whisper it on a magical place
    that way we'll never forget where it took place
    -that also sticks out awkwardly, cause of place used twice in a row.

    and i think this should be a line of its own:
    share a smile & embrace

    but those are just my suggestions.

    otherwise, i really think this is a sweet poem. sharing intimate secrets with your lover is the best way to get closer :D
    | Posted on 2008-03-28 00:00:00 | by andnow | [ Reply to This ]



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