With rhythm people tend to speak
Chasing the patter of iamb feet
Oh feet! A ball and chain of pain
They break and liquefy the brain
I cry all night and count to ten
I break every pencil and pen
I rip my paper; sweet relief!
A beat, a hateful beat of grief
It sounds slightly ironic. I've never tried iambic meter. I reckon it's taxing and hard .... I might try it though ... I feel it's requires some time and patience which are indeed the things I lack.
I really love the whole piece. I always read pieces with a deficient rhyme scheme but yours is certainly not the case . I flat out love the line "They break and liquefy the brain" I thought it was piercing and telling at the same time.
it's not supposed to be funny, i don't think.
the meter is flawless, though!
iambic pentameter is one of the few things that scare me, among other things like 'hardcore bondage porn'.
but, as a rule, it IS pretty catchy!
I don't think it's funny as a poem but as an imagined thought, pretty much considering how messed up most of us look like whenever we're writing something.
It definately is an important notion. The thing about all these patterns of writing is that, they tend to encapsulate the emotion but forces the figure of the piece to a certain contortion that may be unrecognizable to some people. I think that that is so because our tendency to maintain a certain sound usually brings us to modify the content to conform to the pattern. So yes, it's very frustrating.
On the plus side, it does give us discipline and an affinity for knowing a lot of words so, it does have its uses.
Anyway, I think that this is a pretty solid piece. I espcially liked how you made it look tight without being tight.