i left my hands at your place... by Syn

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Submission Name: i left my hands at your place... dots

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Author:	Syn
Elite Ratio:	5.13 - 88/89/66
Words:	108

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	108
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	798

Description:

i left my hands at your place... dots

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i left my hands around your waist
and now i find i cannot write
{lovely words on paper}

like a wingless angel, a grrrl with no hands
has no purpose other than to stand

i left my hands around your heart
and now i find i cannot hold
{the puzzle together}

in every heartbeat there lies a moment where truth can be made untrue, but i never thought it would be you

i left my hands around your neck
and now i find i cannot touch
{myself like you did}

*************************************************

Submitted on 2008-03-30 04:36:50 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Wow!! The title grabbed me, and I love what I found. What an interesting perspective, leaving a piece of yourself behind. This can be read as a positve or negative statement (leaning toward the negative with "no purpose other than stand). I read this with melacholy in mind, missing a lost love. I hope that was your intent. It conveys images of despair "I cannot write," but it could also be obsession. I particularly liked S4 "in every heartbeat...." though I feel you should have said "would" in place of "could." Another suggestion, if you don't mind, there is no need, as I see it for "I find" in S1, S3, and S5. To me it's redundant. Some discussion: "A wingless angel" for me would work better with a different comparison, something more Earthy, something having lost it's purpose in life, a legless dancer, an armless scupltor, etc..
S5 is a great closing, and your last line, nails the loneliness into the coffin. Ome more time...

WOW!!!

Phil
| Posted on 2008-03-30 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]

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