Monkey Island 4
Guybrush Threepwood: That's the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen!
Herman Toothrot: Hey, I remember where I left my pants!
[Upon being told that a core belief in LeChuck's church is LeChuck's marriage to Elaine]
Guybrush Threepwood: Elaine can't marry LeChuck; she's already married!
Reverend Rasputin: The first church of LeChuck (orthodox) doesn't recognize Elaine's blasphemous marriage to the... Anti-LeChuck.
Guybrush Threepwood: Who?
Reverend Rasputin: The evil Anti-LeChuck, "He-Whose-Name-Must-Not-Be-Spoken".
Guybrush Threepwood: Guybrush Threepwood?
Reverend Rasputin: Ack, you said the name! Blasphemer!
Guybrush Threepwood: I'M the Anti-LeChuck?
Reverend Rasputin: Hahahaha. Don't be silly. The Anti-LeChuck is three meters tall, has a prehensile tail, a forked tongue, and the number "1138" stamped on his forehead.
Guybrush Threepwood: I find it hard to believe that the SCUMM Bar is owned by someone named I. Cheese.
Guybrush Threepwood: [singing] Oh... the... Lava is hotter/ than a flame-broiled otter/ and my shoes are slowly melting to the fiberglass floor.
Guybrush Threepwood: Pick up the moon? Are you nuts?
Dainty Lady Figurehead: Okay! Who painted me pink?
Guybrush Threepwood: [singing] Oh the temperature is rising and my sweat is vaporizing and I cannot feel my legs below the knees anymore
Guybrush: You could get fired if people found out you posed for that picture
Harbor Mistress: How do you think I got my last promotion?
Guybrush: I'd rather not know
Guybrush: Ozzie! I had a feeling you were working for LeChuck
Ozzie: I'm afraid you've got it backwards pirate boy LeChuck's working for me
Guybrush: Well that makes me feel better...
Guybrush Threepwood: That pig-shaped bush frightens and confuses me.
Monkey Island 2
Guybrush Threepwood: That's the second biggest X I've ever seen!
Guybrush Threepwood: Do you like my new beard?
Voodoo Lady: There's only one way to escape from Lechuck.
Guybrush Threepwood: How?
Voodoo Lady: You're doing it right now.
Guybrush Threepwood: Fiddling with the change in my pocket?
Largo LaGrande: You're making me Mad Marty.
Marty: That's my name, don't wear it out.
LeChuck: I... am your brother!
Guybrush Threepwood: No! No, that's not true!
LeChuck: Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!
Guybrush Threepwood: Noooooooooooooooooooo!
Guybrush Threepwood: Hey, dynamite... just like it says on the side!
Rapp Scallion: Now I can finally rest within the fold of the earth... like a Steamin' Weenie on a hot bun.
Voodoo Lady: Two, four, six, eight, who do we assassinate? Largo, Largo, yeah!
Herman Toothrot: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, what color is the tree?
[the player must now go through 40 or so answers before finally being allowed to select:]
Guybrush: All colors?
Herman Toothrot: Exactly. Now, what has this experience taught you?
Guybrush: That philosophy isn't worth my time.
Herman Toothrot: I'm very impressed. It takes most people years to reach this point.
[Guybrush is being mugged by Largo LaGrande]
Guybrush: HEEELP! Police!
Largo: HA! Scream all you want, there are no police on Scabb Island.
Guybrush: Then who eats all the doughnuts and roughs up the transients?
[LeChuck has captured Guybrush and Wally and explained them the intricate torture mechanism]
LeChuck: Do you know what happens next?
Guybrush: Umm... Well...
LeChuck: I will then take your bones, still alive and in great pain, and make them into a chair. I will call it "My Screaming Chair". Every day I will sit in it and listen to you scream. Any questions?
[LeChuck soon gets tired of Guybrush's stupid questions and leaves the scene]
Wally: He didn't say what he was going to do to me!
Guybrush: An ottoman comes to mind.
Rapp Scallion: Violets are blue. Roses are read. We're coming aboard. Prepare to eat lead.
Guybrush Threepwood: Leg or no leg, I trust you about as far as I could throw Manhattan.
Largo LaGrande: You're not from these parts are ya? This here's a toll bridge you've got to pay.
Guybrush: Is this some sort of bribery situation?
Largo LaGrande: No more like extortion, here allow me to demonstrate.
[Picks up Guybrush and holds him upside down over the side of the bridge]
Guybrush: Have you ever tried conditioner on that beard?
[while hanging over a pit of acid]
Guybrush: Could you scratch my nose?
Wally: Yeah, right after you kiss my butt.
Guybrush: If I could just reach my pirate utility belt...
[after finding out LeChuck will be brought back to life]
Guybrush: He's going to come after me!
Voodoo Lady: Yes.
Guybrush: He's going to try to kill me!
Voodoo Lady: Undoubtedly.
Guybrush: Can you just kill me now and get it over with?
[Using Voodoo doll on Largo]
Guybrush: Take that you stumpy little dim-witted toad!
[to Elaine Marley]
Guybrush: So? You and the gardener, eh?
[Looking at a bust in Elaine Marley's room]
Guybrush: You know I heard some guys talking about Marleys bust, this must be it.
Lechuck: Largo you've been my trusted henchman for many years but I will not hesitate to drag your entrails from the back of my ship if you do not bring me Guybrush Threepwood before he finds that treasure!
[after Governor Phatt has said that LeChuck is offering a large bounty for Guybrush's capture]
Guybrush: I bet that money could buy a lot of bacon grease and pure fat, huh?
Guybrush: They don't call me the Bone Master for nothin'!
Guybrush Threepwood: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Woodchuck: A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck couldn't chuck wood.
Guybrush Threepwood: But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood would a woodchuck chuck?
Woodchuck: Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck chuck wood?
Guybrush Threepwood: A woodchuck should chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.
Woodchuck: Oh, shut up!
Guybrush Threepwood: She named the dog Guybrush?
Monkey Island 1
Otis: Oh, come on. Don't be bitter. I'm here to help. Not just for the money.
Guybrush Threepwood: Money?
Carla: Yeah, we are getting paid for this, right?
Guybrush Threepwood: How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
Carla: You never did know when to use that one.
Pirate Leader: Do you have any special skills?
Guybrush Threepwood: I can hold my breath for ten minutes!
Stan: I've changed my mind. I can't giver her up. You can have your money bac. How could I sell something so dear?
[a large part of the ship breaks and falls into the water]
Stan: Then again, a deal's a deal, right? Right. Catch ya later. Good luck. Enjoy. I'm outta here.
LeChuck: You dared come here to confront me!
Guybrush Threepwood: I've just remembered an appointment at the dentist's.
Bob: Captain LeChuck... sir... I...
LeChuck: Ah... There's nothin' like the hot winds of hell blowin' in your face.
Bob: No sir... Nothing like it... Ah... Sir... I...
LeChuck: It's days like this that make ye glad to be dead.
Bob: Oh, yes sir... glad to be dead...
LeChuck: Ye are glad to be dead, RIGHT?
Bob: Oh yes sir. I feel so luck that you happened to capture my ship, then murder me and everyone on board... yes sir... lucky.
LeChuck: Glad to hear it.
LeChuck: [as Fester Shinetop] So long, Mr. Spicecake, or Droopface, or whatever your name is!
Pirate: You make me want to puke.
Guybrush: You make me think somebody already did.
Guybrush Threepwood: Please don't kill me.
Ghost Pirate LeChuck: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill ye.
Guybrush Threepwood: I'm wired to explode if anyone tries to kill me.
Guybrush Threepwood: That's the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen!
Cannibals: Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us?
Guybrush Threepwood: [one of three possible last lines] Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: never pay more than 20 dollars for a computer game.
Elaine: What's that?
Guybrush Threepwood: Never mind. I don't know why I said that.
Mancomb Seepgood: HA! Guybrush Threepwood! That's the stupidest name I've ever heard!
Guybrush Threepwood: Hey! What's your name then?
Mancomb Seepgood: Mancomb Seepgood.