Fuck::Me::Slutty by Syn

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Submission Name: Fuck::Me::Slutty dots

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Author:	Syn
Elite Ratio:	5.25 - 92/93/70
Words:	117

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	345
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	856

Description:

Fuck::Me::Slutty dots

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beside me, entice me, invite me to stay
delight me, so tightly, this grrrl wants to play
caress me, undress me and turn up the heat
you gonna give a slut her favorite treat?

corrode me, corrupt me, defile my lips
love me and fuck me and shatter my hips
divide me, collide me, reinvent my tongue
if i breathe any faster i'll puncture a lung

grind me, inside me, i'll leave you with scars
bruise me and lose me and make me see starrs
come with me, cum with me, split me apart
one scream at a time and its back to the start

************************************************

Submitted on 2008-03-31 12:12:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Mmm. Suppose that it's becoming too clichéd to be writing about tender aspects of love and whatnot. I admit that there isn't enough written about the more primal aspects of the deed because after all we are animals. I really liked the line about a lung. The ending is perfect because they say every new beginning comes from someother beginning's end.

Listen to NIN much?

~Musing
| Posted on 2009-02-04 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]
  This is pretty bad.

Singsong sex? I like this poem better when I imagine that the narrator ("I") in this poem is the medium of poetry.

I'm not saying this to be mean. I've read some of your other stuff, and it's much better. It's cool that you like it rough in bed at all, but seriously...

literature isn't a slut.
| Posted on 2008-04-01 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
  Sizzling hot, sexy, erotic, and just damned good. It's a viewpoint not often expressed, but absolutely real and truthful. You've driven the reader along to the big finish. The allure is in the imagery. Consider these: S1 - L3 "bring me the heat" L4 Change the question to a statement (question is weaker) "you gotta give a slut her favorite treat! (Exclamation point for emphasis, let alone symbolism.) S2 - L1 "caress my lips" L2 Not "shatter" but "hammer my hips." L3 "slip-slide our tongues" L4 "make me breathe faster, empty my lungs." S3 - L1 "ride me" "inside me" L3 "come over me, cum with me" L4 Weak ending, how about "our screams in the night bring us back to the start.

Just consider these, use what you like, maybe they'll start you thinking.

Really hot stuff here, and you wrote it without being vile. It comes across as passionate, an erotic plea for satisfaction. Great write. Loved it.

Phil
| Posted on 2008-04-01 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  YES, OH YEAH, DON'T STOP NOW!

Great title and poem and a gorgeous picture to go with it!

[censored] me slutty, oh yes. [censored] yeah!

Written to the beat of a mind-blowing cilmax! Ovulation times ten.

I don't know if it's change of season or what but I have been super, super horny and this sums it up perfectly for me.
| Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by ssssss | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with Swimming Bird. It has a sort of hypnotic effect to it. I do think the last line of the first stanza doesn't quite fit in, though. Otherwise I like it just the way it is.

Keep writing
~Venia
| Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
  That was DAMN hot. Very erotic. It has an almost chantlike, enticing, seductive feel to it. I thought it was very well written. I can't think of anything bad about it. You have me at a loss for words. I hope to read more of your stuff when I have time.

The Bird
| Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]

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