beside me, entice me, invite me to stay
delight me, so tightly, this grrrl wants to play
caress me, undress me and turn up the heat
you gonna give a slut her favorite treat?
corrode me, corrupt me, defile my lips
love me and fuck me and shatter my hips
divide me, collide me, reinvent my tongue
if i breathe any faster i'll puncture a lung
grind me, inside me, i'll leave you with scars
bruise me and lose me and make me see starrs
come with me, cum with me, split me apart
one scream at a time and its back to the start
| ordinarily the antithesis of what i would consider poetry...but that is ordinarily...|
i have read similar work that was done for shock value...showing off...
this, as rex said...is raw, real...and it captures a moment that wants itself to be repeated...
it is sexy, yet cries out for something else...like
"i don't want to be just this to you"
"but damn i can't help myself...i will do everything i can to you and more...and after it's done, i want to repeat it...i don't want to think about it, just do it"
this is an encounter...so full of wicked passion...base loving...like the original recording of an artist, before he or she has a chance to get stale with attempt to recapture whatever it was that made the first song a number one hit...
i still feel wrapped up in this poem even after it is over...like i just had sex.
|| Posted on 2011-04-01 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] || Very raw, erotic, splatteringly artistic.I liked it.I found it a enjoyable read no matter the title reference of whoremongers.|
Heat, pattern is on point.
Had I seen a woman with a shirt that read this on the back or front I would die with laughter.
I suggest you make sure no one steals this in any way.
Tis unique like a thunderclap of amatory display.
Needs to be rated R though lol.
I mean there are kids here...
Ummm did you know that Playboy would pay a nice substantial amount of money to have this as one of the digest articles.Seriously.This is that good.
I stilled laughed
|| Posted on 2011-03-25 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ] || danggg. loved it, abso-freaking-lutly loved it, its dirty and real. no sugar coated words or trying to hide certain things you just layed it all out. amazing piece||| Posted on 2011-03-01 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ] || Mmm. Suppose that it's becoming too clichéd to be writing about tender aspects of love and whatnot. I admit that there isn't enough written about the more primal aspects of the deed because after all we are animals. I really liked the line about a lung. The ending is perfect because they say every new beginning comes from someother beginning's end. |
Listen to NIN much?
|| Posted on 2009-02-04 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ] || This is pretty bad.|
Singsong sex? I like this poem better when I imagine that the narrator ("I") in this poem is the medium of poetry.
I'm not saying this to be mean. I've read some of your other stuff, and it's much better. It's cool that you like it rough in bed at all, but seriously...
literature isn't a slut.
|| Posted on 2008-04-01 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ] || Sizzling hot, sexy, erotic, and just damned good. It's a viewpoint not often expressed, but absolutely real and truthful. You've driven the reader along to the big finish. The allure is in the imagery. Consider these: S1 - L3 "bring me the heat" L4 Change the question to a statement (question is weaker) "you gotta give a slut her favorite treat! (Exclamation point for emphasis, let alone symbolism.) S2 - L1 "caress my lips" L2 Not "shatter" but "hammer my hips." L3 "slip-slide our tongues" L4 "make me breathe faster, empty my lungs." S3 - L1 "ride me" "inside me" L3 "come over me, cum with me" L4 Weak ending, how about "our screams in the night bring us back to the start.|
Just consider these, use what you like, maybe they'll start you thinking.
Really hot stuff here, and you wrote it without being vile. It comes across as passionate, an erotic plea for satisfaction. Great write. Loved it.
|| Posted on 2008-04-01 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ] || YES, OH YEAH, DON'T STOP NOW!|
Great title and poem and a gorgeous picture to go with it!
[censored] me slutty, oh yes. [censored] yeah!
Written to the beat of a mind-blowing cilmax! Ovulation times ten.
I don't know if it's change of season or what but I have been super, super horny and this sums it up perfectly for me.
|| Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by ssssss | [ Reply to This ] || I agree with Swimming Bird. It has a sort of hypnotic effect to it. I do think the last line of the first stanza doesn't quite fit in, though. Otherwise I like it just the way it is.|
|| Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ] || That was DAMN hot. Very erotic. It has an almost chantlike, enticing, seductive feel to it. I thought it was very well written. I can't think of anything bad about it. You have me at a loss for words. I hope to read more of your stuff when I have time.|
|| Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ] |