Hi saartha this is foreign to me because I dont know Halcyon. I get the impression its about war torn something. I had my fill of that in my country`s Border Wars in 1975 onwards in Angola and some other places. It rhyms well thought I think I have also found that final nail to shut down my past as well. luv joachim
Not that it's any of my business but I don't think that it's in your best interest to immediately follow a post with another submission because you would most likely be lessening the chances of the previous one to be read.
And that would just be sad especially for beautiful pieces like this one.
But anyway, I think that this is a stunning display of literary prowess. It is very rich in both concept and imagery and I think that it was definately well written.
My favorite lines were:
the jagging angles encroaching
on those distant territories
you call eyes.
Personally, the relationship between the persona and the Halcyon remind me of that of the rider and the horse on Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. It also reminds me of a line from one of Nick Joaquin's short stories...
It goes something like "she sees her as the one of those inevitable obstacles; like the weather."
The Halcyon, to me, in all my most-likely-perceived "pretension," reflected a sort of expected tragedy - like a volcanic eruption is to those who live near a volcano or a tornado for people who live in the tornado belt. It is like this sentient machine that does what it is suppose to do and has a certain invulnerability to the - dare I say - emotional baggage (I was going to say pettiness) of we mere humans who have been blessed and cursed with the ability to understand and philosophize.
This piece, to me, reflects magically and tragically upon that gift and curse. I don't know if that's what you intended but that's how it touched me.