Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Birth of a Halcyondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 230/384/131
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 414



    Description:
       The Halcyon is an old Greek myth about a bird who calms the seas in order to lay its eggs in a floating nest. After the eggs hatch, horrible storms rend the ocean.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBirth of a Halcyondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bloody-fisted revolutionary,
    I cling to the red
    contours of your fingers,
    the jagging angles encroaching
    on those distant territories
    you call eyes.

    Stormswept and fierce,
    you are finding new ways
    to explode, and I
    am picking through shrapnel
    and twisted necks to find
    the final nail to the coffin
    containing my past life.




    Submitted on 2008-04-02 00:32:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi saartha this is foreign to me because I dont know Halcyon. I get the impression its about war torn something. I had my fill of that in my country`s Border Wars in 1975 onwards in Angola and some other places. It rhyms well thought I think I have also found that final nail to shut down my past as well. luv joachim
    | Posted on 2009-01-28 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      Not that it's any of my business but I don't think that it's in your best interest to immediately follow a post with another submission because you would most likely be lessening the chances of the previous one to be read.

    And that would just be sad especially for beautiful pieces like this one.

    But anyway, I think that this is a stunning display of literary prowess. It is very rich in both concept and imagery and I think that it was definately well written.

    My favorite lines were:

    the jagging angles encroaching
    on those distant territories
    you call eyes.


    Personally, the relationship between the persona and the Halcyon remind me of that of the rider and the horse on Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. It also reminds me of a line from one of Nick Joaquin's short stories...

    It goes something like "she sees her as the one of those inevitable obstacles; like the weather."

    The Halcyon, to me, in all my most-likely-perceived "pretension," reflected a sort of expected tragedy - like a volcanic eruption is to those who live near a volcano or a tornado for people who live in the tornado belt. It is like this sentient machine that does what it is suppose to do and has a certain invulnerability to the - dare I say - emotional baggage (I was going to say pettiness) of we mere humans who have been blessed and cursed with the ability to understand and philosophize.

    This piece, to me, reflects magically and tragically upon that gift and curse. I don't know if that's what you intended but that's how it touched me.

    This is really impressive.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      This was...pretty crazy. However, it just didn't seem right to me.

    It's funny that both you and I wrote a poem about this myth. On my previous account, manwithnoname, my poem "Halcyon Days" was about this myth.

    Anyways, back to your poem. Somehow it just doesn't capture the idea of the myth. At least, that's what I think.

    I've got no specific thoughts on how to change it. I'm not sure actually how you might do it.

    Sorry, saartha, but this just doesn't grab me like the rest of your poetry does.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    159758

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Records I written by Raphael
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Carry written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Fasade written by jackz
    Every..... written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    prison written by ShyOne
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry