Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Birth of a Halcyondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 731
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 414



    Description:
       The Halcyon is an old Greek myth about a bird who calms the seas in order to lay its eggs in a floating nest. After the eggs hatch, horrible storms rend the ocean.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBirth of a Halcyondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bloody-fisted revolutionary,
    I cling to the red
    contours of your fingers,
    the jagging angles encroaching
    on those distant territories
    you call eyes.

    Stormswept and fierce,
    you are finding new ways
    to explode, and I
    am picking through shrapnel
    and twisted necks to find
    the final nail to the coffin
    containing my past life.




    Submitted on 2008-04-02 00:32:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi saartha this is foreign to me because I dont know Halcyon. I get the impression its about war torn something. I had my fill of that in my country`s Border Wars in 1975 onwards in Angola and some other places. It rhyms well thought I think I have also found that final nail to shut down my past as well. luv joachim
    | Posted on 2009-01-28 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      Not that it's any of my business but I don't think that it's in your best interest to immediately follow a post with another submission because you would most likely be lessening the chances of the previous one to be read.

    And that would just be sad especially for beautiful pieces like this one.

    But anyway, I think that this is a stunning display of literary prowess. It is very rich in both concept and imagery and I think that it was definately well written.

    My favorite lines were:

    the jagging angles encroaching
    on those distant territories
    you call eyes.


    Personally, the relationship between the persona and the Halcyon remind me of that of the rider and the horse on Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. It also reminds me of a line from one of Nick Joaquin's short stories...

    It goes something like "she sees her as the one of those inevitable obstacles; like the weather."

    The Halcyon, to me, in all my most-likely-perceived "pretension," reflected a sort of expected tragedy - like a volcanic eruption is to those who live near a volcano or a tornado for people who live in the tornado belt. It is like this sentient machine that does what it is suppose to do and has a certain invulnerability to the - dare I say - emotional baggage (I was going to say pettiness) of we mere humans who have been blessed and cursed with the ability to understand and philosophize.

    This piece, to me, reflects magically and tragically upon that gift and curse. I don't know if that's what you intended but that's how it touched me.

    This is really impressive.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      This was...pretty crazy. However, it just didn't seem right to me.

    It's funny that both you and I wrote a poem about this myth. On my previous account, manwithnoname, my poem "Halcyon Days" was about this myth.

    Anyways, back to your poem. Somehow it just doesn't capture the idea of the myth. At least, that's what I think.

    I've got no specific thoughts on how to change it. I'm not sure actually how you might do it.

    Sorry, saartha, but this just doesn't grab me like the rest of your poetry does.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    159758

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    This written by Chelebel
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Legends written by poetotoe
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry