Midnight by saartha

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Submission Name: Midnight dots

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Author:	saartha
ASL Info:	20/F/US
Elite Ratio:	4.52 - 172/247/87
Words:	81

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	252
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	604

Description:

Midnight dots

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Night's crazed, broken teeth
are plucked and scattered,
haphazardly bleeding
along the shadowed edges--

so fine a light
can be spun through the eye
of a needle, can knit the air
into cold and foreign patterns,
thread dyed blue and distant
with bated breath,

can reveal a tapestry of giants'
moss-slate fingers reaching
to find a quilt against the cold,

my flickering children find new mothers
in Wind and Frost,
close their burning eyes
and succumb to sleep.

Submitted on 2008-04-02 00:33:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Mmmmm, OK.

Well, I won't pretend I understood this, as I didn't! I liked your use of words, thought it was original....BUT it did come across to me as one of those pieces that is too obscure and is just too cryptic.

I do feel that this is sometimes an indication of a piece that doesn't really say that much, so the writer goes overboard, in order to conceal the meaning.

However I'm not saying I think it's bad, just my impressions.

Hope u found all that useful!

:) Alex
| Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
I admire how you throw caution to the wind. I have no idea why I feel like you do but I have a feeling that there was something apprehensive about this piece. Something unsure about its birth yet something beautiful enough to be kept in an incubator until it is ready for the rest of its life. But maybe that's just me (again.)

I like the gritty element of enchantment in this piece. To me, it is quite wise to put a child-like element (and I don't mean that just because you mentioned the word children) to the outskirts of your word play.

To me, it's like witnessing a miracle for the first time and letting the experience go through your heart, skip the brain and go directly to your fingers.

That's probably one of the major reasons why I like it. Usually, pieces like this feel juvenile and pretensious. But this one appears, for some reason, passionate to a healthy degree - a writer given a stray ammunition to keep practicing with for this grand art of shooting down emotions and keeping their heads as trophies hanging on walls.

| Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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