Light Year
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Description:
inspired by a single picture that took me by surprise. it's trite.
Light Year
Your lips are touching it’s never going to last— later you wish you could take it back. I’m watching from the steps. You’re holding hands and rubbing noses— writing love letters and buying roses. I’m watching from the balcony. You’re both smiling soft and sharing dreams— the flutter in your stomach, what might that mean? I’m watching from the rooftop. Your feet are entwined under the sunset— you’re remembering the first time your eyes met. I’m watching from the attic I’m watching from my room I’ve no idea what that must be like— I’m watching from the moon. I’m watching from the clouds I’m watching from the sky the thing is completely foreign to me— and I have no idea why. |
Submitted on 2008-04-02 02:58:05 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| I like the teleporting, the pairing of the speed with which you change places and the slow permenance of their kiss/love. You're distinct seperateness is well done :-) I thought the second to last paragraph was by far the weakest. To improve it, It's hard to say. But, I'd most likely say: the places you're watching from, what do they mean? the office? the commitments that prevented you from reaching that kiss? Why is that Love so foreign? Personally, I think including those in the details of your teleportation will make the poem stronger. But I really like it. :-) | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by AptPupilofLife2 | [ Reply to This ] | |
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