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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When the Days are Longdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AptPupilofLife2
    ASL Info:    18/M/Berkeley,CA
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 112/131/48
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 732



    Description:
       There's too much I in it. And it's not very original or unique. I'll probably delete it tomorrow.

    But I just wanted to post it now anyway. Please forgive my childish pride in such a common state.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen the Days are Longdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tell me I知 funny
    Tell me I知 kind
    Tell me I知 not someone
    Who love leaves behind

    Tell me I値l walk home
    To this same bed
    And find someone soft
    To hold my head

    And We値l sing softly!
    Until the stars sleep,
    When the Sun rises,
    These Dreams, I'll keep.

    I can稚 hold them alone
    They池e slipping away
    Someone catch them!
    I need them for the day

    But so many days pass
    And my stilts begin to bend
    So please lift me up
    I can稚 let these dreams end.

    Tell me I知 funny
    Tell me I知 strong
    Tell me you値l hold me
    When the days are long




    Submitted on 2008-04-02 03:54:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is a lovely poem, candid and sweet. It seemed a bit uneven (3rd and 4th stanza,in my humble opinion)at some point but you should keep working on it. It reminded me of my days of puppy love, the innocence of it ( but in this case it seems about longing for a love firm,not the fleeting kind). thankfully it isn't like some poems so cloy that they leave you gagging in front the computer screen... those were my random thoughts so keep it up!

    Ange
    | Posted on 2008-04-04 00:00:00 | by Angel_Sin | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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