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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: And So She Falls...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       


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    dotsAnd So She Falls...dots
    -------------------------------------------






    interrupted perception-
    an innate blockage of thought
    numbness constrains the mind
    and sense of touch is obliterated
    why is this so disruptive?
    how can they not see?
    not the shallow one, no...
    not at all-
    inside, nothing stays whole
    and breaking the dream is the hardest part
    it doesn't stray
    it doesn't stray
    it only lingers until the pain is so quaking
    that the sixth sense lies dormant
    and i fall away from me......



    ************************************************




    Submitted on 2008-04-02 14:37:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The most powerful part, to me:

    "it only lingers until the pain is so quaking
    that the sixth sense lies dormant
    and i fall away from me......"

    This is one of those poems that I understand but can't explain why.

    I'm not sure if I agree with the previous comment; perhaps this is not supposed to have the usual harmony you would expect from a poem. It is, after all, a description of disharmony, that felt within the self. It does seem to describe that curious sense of being out of touch that I've had so often. The question is, why? What is it that would make someone feel this way? The last thing anyone should, or would expect, to lose is their sense of self, their wholeness of mind.

    I think that I will add this to my favorites; it makes me think.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm.. I had to read it a couple of times to get the full picture, but I like it. It flows... although for some reason it just kind of lacks what I call a 'poemy chime'. It sounds like poetry; it just doesn't --i dont know-- call? out to me. Its hard to describe. You did a great job though.

    It made me feel kind of empty minded as if the layers of thought I had constructed were crumbling into pieces and vanishing. I don't think I would've done a thing differently. Keep on writing. You rock.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


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