Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: And So She Falls...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 814
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd So She Falls...dots
    -------------------------------------------






    interrupted perception-
    an innate blockage of thought
    numbness constrains the mind
    and sense of touch is obliterated
    why is this so disruptive?
    how can they not see?
    not the shallow one, no...
    not at all-
    inside, nothing stays whole
    and breaking the dream is the hardest part
    it doesn't stray
    it doesn't stray
    it only lingers until the pain is so quaking
    that the sixth sense lies dormant
    and i fall away from me......



    ************************************************




    Submitted on 2008-04-02 14:37:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The most powerful part, to me:

    "it only lingers until the pain is so quaking
    that the sixth sense lies dormant
    and i fall away from me......"

    This is one of those poems that I understand but can't explain why.

    I'm not sure if I agree with the previous comment; perhaps this is not supposed to have the usual harmony you would expect from a poem. It is, after all, a description of disharmony, that felt within the self. It does seem to describe that curious sense of being out of touch that I've had so often. The question is, why? What is it that would make someone feel this way? The last thing anyone should, or would expect, to lose is their sense of self, their wholeness of mind.

    I think that I will add this to my favorites; it makes me think.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm.. I had to read it a couple of times to get the full picture, but I like it. It flows... although for some reason it just kind of lacks what I call a 'poemy chime'. It sounds like poetry; it just doesn't --i dont know-- call? out to me. Its hard to describe. You did a great job though.

    It made me feel kind of empty minded as if the layers of thought I had constructed were crumbling into pieces and vanishing. I don't think I would've done a thing differently. Keep on writing. You rock.
    | Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    159781

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry