Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Over it (A hammer to my joints...)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ceyx
    Elite Ratio:    5.69 - 111/107/81
    Words: 337
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 777
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2764



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOver it (A hammer to my joints...)dots
    -------------------------------------------




    Over it (A hammer to my joints makes beautiful music)






    Nothing but passing moments...



                                   -slipping through my tear ducts
    Falling like a coarse sand-
    filling my lungs to a gasp

    ~A shudder~

    Slitting open pink meat as they grind together
    Gagging-
          choking; I vomit up time
    And watch it pour out of me, before my very eyes...

    I never knew it would be so beautiful
    It glistens and shatters as it hits the floor then fades away in a wisp
    And in those few moments-
                      I have lost days upon days...

    Just like that- it is over and gone
    Any scrap still clinging to my ribs is trivial
    My pores bleed
    I fall



    And then I stand up.

    Games often played; left to the pieces to drone and wander free
    But the players shift and pass glances
    My eyes are daggers
    My gaze is set on concrete bricks

    Classic roles shift and the light is now the devil and the devil stays his place
    Crushed by the weight of something that bares none itself
    A shell that the hollow has made it's own
    A broken toy that a child refuses to cease in his interest
    But forgive me- you wish to speak of your pain:

    Still there are shocks of memories, blurry around the edges
    -as they always tend to be

    (((fayth, love, majyc)))

    Now the whole picture can fade and I can walk on with more of myself missing
    With less and less to give
       Yet more and more to offer...

    No amount of time can shield fragile skin
    Yet the sting shall become a sensation you grow accustomed to
    Therefor it will be handled...

    (((but remain impossible to forget)))









    Submitted on 2008-04-02 20:34:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow I really like it. I loved the way you formatted this piece using all diffrent types of font and boldness and indentations and everyway you put it, even the mispelled words really worked with the theme.

    I can't just pick out a favorite line because I loved them all.

    As for the message of the poem I like how it was all scrambled up with time and 'eyes as daggers' and playing on all that to give the overall theme. The thing is that even though I can't just fit the whole poem together and make the overall theme I still can feel the message gutting into me because I know it so well.

    My problem is that I can never find the time for anything and I thrive on pain to feel more alive and more able to help those around me. This piece is about that time and that pain right? I can imagine you feeling more alive with every word...

    Keep it up, I enjoyed this :)
    ~flora
    | Posted on 2008-04-03 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    159787

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry