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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oh, to be your lap dogdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freshcookies
    Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 63/77/45
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 773
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 586



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOh, to be your lap dogdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh, to be your lap dog
    To squeeze myself as close beside you as possible
    Without fear of a reprimand.
    Oh, to lay my head on your knee
    And be petted and protected
    By your strong and loving hand.
    Oh, to show you how I feel
    With licks and nudges and a wagging tail.
    Your tender care, my one demand

    But I sit outside your gate
    With the others you cannot take in
    And who are satisfied with a pat on the head
    Now and then,
    While I long to be your lap dog,
    Nothing more.




    Submitted on 2008-04-03 14:15:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, to be your lap dog
    Without fear of reprimand.
    Oh, to lay my head on your knee
    And be petted and protected
    By your strong and loving hand.
    Oh, to show you how I feel
    Your tender care, my one demand

    Instead I sit outside your gate
    With the others you cannot take in
    And who are satisfied with a pat on the head
    Every now and then,
    While I long to be your lap dog,
    Nothing less, nothing more.

    I realize I am taking quite a bit of liberty with your words here but I felt, as I read this, that if it were maybe tightened up... I don't know, I just think it makes it a little more precise. If that makes sense?
    I still stumble on "And who are satisfied with a pat on the head" but wasn't real sure what I would do w/it.
    Adding "Nothing less" to the last line I think separates the you, or the subject from the "satisfied" imho.
    anyway, just some thoughts. I dig this.
    | Posted on 2009-04-21 00:00:00 | by milovelocity | [ Reply to This ]


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