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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Night Predator dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/54
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 690
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1067



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNight Predator dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Commence full rage
    And leave me to die
    My blood upon your shadows
    As you watch time fly by

    Nights seem too long now
    Days never end well
    I thought I had known you
    It seems only shadows can tell

    Tell of other blood types
    That lay on your hands
    Hidden beneath fingernails
    A smile and a glance

    The sweet cologne of experience
    Played its part in your scheme
    And all of our blood ran red and hot
    As we slid in a dream

    Grasping for air
    Cologne and night drew forth
    Your prey then breathed no more
    As you wiped away remorse

    Metallic Acid lungs
    Told lies as sweet as sour
    Sirens died away
    As you silently marked this death at hour

    Now upon your ears I scream
    And upon your heart I bleed
    And within your dreams, it seems
    That upon your fears I feed.

    And shall till I wipe away all of your blood;
    As you did with mine.




    Submitted on 2008-04-04 20:43:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I think the best thing to do for flow wise is to change "into a dream", to "in a dream". it would be a great possible play on words and the meter might fit tighter. Rough, but good subject is great. feeling projected is great.
    | Posted on 2008-05-02 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love it! I agree with the post under mine, that I think of Vampires (of course im obsessed with them, so the fact the come to mind isnt surpriseing). After re-reading it, It could be about murder in general, though for me, im gonna stick with my Vampire veiws :D

    Absolutely lovely <3
    | Posted on 2008-04-19 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Intresting,
    It was a bit difficult to follow in some parts but I think I got the full picture. I got a very vampire-esque kind of feeling here, but i suppose it could just be a cold hearted murder (nice eh? ;)

    I particularly liked the ending, leaves you with a revenge taste in your mouth.

    Pretty good, keep it up.
    :)
    | Posted on 2008-04-05 00:00:00 | by DiamondTears | [ Reply to This ]


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