Night Predator by TheStillSilence

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Submission Name: Night Predator dots

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Author:	TheStillSilence
ASL Info:	16/f/eye of the tornado
Elite Ratio:	5.09 - 145/69/27
Words:	170

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	85
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1067

Description:

Night Predator dots

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Commence full rage
And leave me to die
My blood upon your shadows
As you watch time fly by

Nights seem too long now
Days never end well
I thought I had known you
It seems only shadows can tell

Tell of other blood types
That lay on your hands
Hidden beneath fingernails
A smile and a glance

The sweet cologne of experience
Played its part in your scheme
And all of our blood ran red and hot
As we slid in a dream

Grasping for air
Cologne and night drew forth
Your prey then breathed no more
As you wiped away remorse

Metallic Acid lungs
Told lies as sweet as sour
Sirens died away
As you silently marked this death at hour

Now upon your ears I scream
And upon your heart I bleed
And within your dreams, it seems
That upon your fears I feed.

And shall till I wipe away all of your blood;
As you did with mine.

Submitted on 2008-04-04 20:43:07 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I think the best thing to do for flow wise is to change "into a dream", to "in a dream". it would be a great possible play on words and the meter might fit tighter. Rough, but good subject is great. feeling projected is great.
| Posted on 2008-05-02 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
  I really love it! I agree with the post under mine, that I think of Vampires (of course im obsessed with them, so the fact the come to mind isnt surpriseing). After re-reading it, It could be about murder in general, though for me, im gonna stick with my Vampire veiws :D

Absolutely lovely <3

| Posted on 2008-04-19 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
  Intresting,
It was a bit difficult to follow in some parts but I think I got the full picture. I got a very vampire-esque kind of feeling here, but i suppose it could just be a cold hearted murder (nice eh? ;)

I particularly liked the ending, leaves you with a revenge taste in your mouth.

Pretty good, keep it up.
:)
| Posted on 2008-04-05 00:00:00 | by DiamondTears | [ Reply to This ]

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