I think the best thing to do for flow wise is to change "into a dream", to "in a dream". it would be a great possible play on words and the meter might fit tighter. Rough, but good subject is great. feeling projected is great.
I really love it! I agree with the post under mine, that I think of Vampires (of course im obsessed with them, so the fact the come to mind isnt surpriseing). After re-reading it, It could be about murder in general, though for me, im gonna stick with my Vampire veiws :D
It was a bit difficult to follow in some parts but I think I got the full picture. I got a very vampire-esque kind of feeling here, but i suppose it could just be a cold hearted murder (nice eh? ;)
I particularly liked the ending, leaves you with a revenge taste in your mouth.