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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Red Soldiersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sheakhan
    ASL Info:    22/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.66 - 167/183/82
    Words: 364
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 368
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1675



    Description:
       Sop


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Red Soldiersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Broken red soldiers doubled over,
    choking on lead and deceit.

    As their mighty brave captain
    turns tail and flees.

    A turncoat, a traitor,
    a yellow-gut whore.

    A breaker of:
    promises,
    oathes,
    vows,
    and more.

    A starter of wars.
    He'll go down in lore.

    But what of the private,
    the ball loader too?

    What of the gunman,
    and all of his crew?

    Will they not stand recognized?
    Nah, they'll be written off.

    And only the coward will be held aloft.

    Died twice they all did,
    as forgotten is killed.
    And never remembered,
    and never they will.

    And hopeful in silence
    their corpses will hide
    not even a grave
    to remind us they died.

    But monuments, portraits,
    stories, tapestries,
    tales and poems,
    narratives, histories.

    Hatred,
    remorse,
    doubt,
    denial
    and praise.

    For the yellow-gut bastard
    who left them to their graves.

    And why should it be,
    that they all died in vain?
    For humankind's love
    of a damned good villain?

    A breaker of:
    promises,
    oathes,
    vows,
    and more.

    A starter of wars.
    He'll go down in lore.






    Submitted on 2008-04-05 09:51:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      man Sheak as i read this poem over again i can't believe you haven't been on that much you are such an awesome writer and i think this is your best poem that you its really just my own opinion....hmm i'd have to say that my favorite line is

    "Died twice they all did, as forgotten is killed.
    And never remembered, and never they will."

    Looovee it as i might have said earlier very good ryhming sheak ^_^
    | Posted on 2009-02-15 00:00:00 | by Twin_Snakes | [ Reply to This ]
      My hat is off to you, this is a very powerful piece.
    Tip-top quality and flow, accurate and clever.

    This is beyond me, I feel like if I made any changes other than maybe changing captain to a higher ranking field officer like a general (but it is a great deal easier to imagine the captain fleeing) it would take away from the strength of the piece.

    my favorite stanza was
    "Died twice they all did,
    as forgotten is killed.
    And never remembered,
    and never they will."

    because it's so true, they will not be written of, add one f, and you have my other favorite bit.

    "Nah, they'll be written off"
    one because that literally is impossible to write something off, you can only erase it or cover it up, or let it get covered by something or someone like this yellow [censored] who abandoned them to their doom.

    His cowardice is highlighted and given a section in the history books but the enlisted men who stayed and fought to the last like true soldiers are just a number next to that [censored]'s name. His picture will be there, and they will be the faceless dead that time forgets.

    | Posted on 2008-12-21 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]
      This is way outside of my realm of knowledge. I have yet to explore the cataclysmic realities of war and Heroism. Still, I enjoyed the consistent irony and satire of the famed General.

    There is a Mel Gibson movie, perhaps called, We were Soldiers'.... but anyway he gives a speech in that movie that is absolutely brilliant. You should try to watch it if you haven't seen it already.

    Thanks for the write.

    Cheers
    Tom
    | Posted on 2008-06-12 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Any particular general in mind? Okay I like the message the overall rhythm the theme that not all killed are martyrs remembered. I found the wording "As forgotten killed" was a bit akward but it does help maintain the rhythm. "And never they will" was a bit unclear. Perhaps it's that I haven't slept in days. Oh well there's passion here and that's comendable.
    | Posted on 2008-05-11 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i gotta be honest here this has gotta be my new fav poem out of all the ones i have read so far (sorry other ppl). The ryhm and fkiw are wonderful and i lov anything that is war related...i'd add this as one of my favorite's but sadly i don't kno how :(
    | Posted on 2008-04-29 00:00:00 | by Twin_Snakes | [ Reply to This ]


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