Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: my living body-miracledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 258
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 601
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1793



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmy living body-miracledots
    -------------------------------------------


    when i find myself
    turning into the awkward experience
    of everything,
    i slip back to the point
    when my eyes were blue
    & the world seemed to have no other purpose
    than to prove my living body-miracle.

    but the concrete air
    has no inner devil i can be.
    & each day,
    i find my way
    into terrible sleep
    & shadows where the play of leaves
    reminds me of all-mother
    & darling canary hands
    so damaged
    & once adored.

    all of my children,
    you scream in agony
    in your secret brains.
    the wood of your fingers
    passes through the walls
    of my skin
    with subtle, trembling indifference.
    have you been mine
    where the fever
    mixes honey with the spit?

    even the owls are mourning
    & there is no evening
    where shaking branches
    breed relief
    for those of us who waver here,
    so heartfully
    dreaming of queens
    and the princess golden.

    i hear the clapping on the forest.
    i can touch the blue wind
    like water to the palm of my eye.
    let the flowers
    expelled from my mouth
    be a lesson to you all.
    we will all have the summer to explore.
    we will all wake
    to the end
    with a growing sense
    that beauty is everywhere.

    from my undying cardinal heart
    & the twisting earthy path
    between us,
    let all things
    find a circle
    where we can love.
    death is every moment,
    each breath
    & all the people
    that we have known.

    i am always becoming everything
    completely.




    Submitted on 2008-04-05 19:23:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "i slip back to the point
    when my eyes were blue
    & the world seemed to have no other purpose
    than to prove my living body-miracle."

    I love these lines. You seem to be a good writer. What you're lacking though are good finishing lines. I sometimes use the trick of repeating the first lines backwards like in the poem you've read. Read some more poetry and try to find and modify tricks to suit your own needs.
    | Posted on 2008-06-11 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    159895

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    The World written by jjd
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry