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My dear heart sobs at the sound of your name
As I try to move on to something new
Though I don't know quite how
I will keep on going, keep on moving.
Keep on pretending to be this that I am
I will persevere in spite of you
In spite of this which you bestowed upon me.
It was like having part of me torn away
Thrown away in to the fire.
I forever will hate you, will flinch
At your mere mention in conversation.
I will no longer be myself.
I will be a part of you.
| I like the ending of this one.|
I actually like the ending more than the beginning really. It starts quite cliché, like something you heard millions of times before.
But then again considering your age, it is not bad at all. You have your own voice and your own style and I am sure you will find your way.
You have a very satisfactory vocabulary and kudos for the perfect spelling. It seems so unimportant to everyone to keep good spelling.
The part that starts with "I will persevere..." starts taking another turn and this is were I like your tone. It becomes more universal than just a teen love poem.
Actually it just hit me that it might not be a love poem at all, seems to deal with something of a different tone, maybe a parent who has not been such a good one.
I dunno I have a tendency to see different angles in a same poem, but either way, the tone you have there is strong enough to make people relate.
Keep up the good work, keep opening up.
|| Posted on 2008-04-06 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ] |