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    dots Submission Name: Groin of Guiltdots

    Author: Mandolin
    ASL Info:    10/15/89
    Elite Ratio:    5.4 - 131/145/85
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1260
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 772


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    dotsGroin of Guiltdots

    Angry as robbed bees,
    savage flutter,
    shapeless anxiety climbing the crest;
    honey clinging to swords.
    Words dripping defect and disorder;
    defenseless stones beaten with a body,
    murdered fists,
    slaughtered against a humming breast.
    Canvas of flames stain old wax older,
    candles of mold kissing liquid seeds.
    Thoughts careening,
    death falling from foreheads.
    Sleep mirrors the defeats,
    obvious poverty,
    the inheritance of carnations,
    and guilty confessing knees.
    birds feast upon winged question;
    the carcass runs wild within itself;
    for now, robbed freedoms bleeds,
    and soon,
    the bees will come to feed.

    Submitted on 2008-04-07 19:17:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wonderful piece. My favorite lines:

    "Canvas of flames stain old wax older,"
    "and guilty confessing knees."

    Those are absolutely brilliant, so much so I wish I had written them. Loved the ending, perfect. The only real critique I can give is tell you to read it aloud, and make sure the lines naturally break where the commas are. Also, I'm not so much a fan of the title. True, it lured me in to read this piece, but after having read the poem, I don't think the two fit.

    Other than those two suggestions, I loved this poem. Great write.
    | Posted on 2008-04-08 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      I then add: Then will the hive be smothered with the gossamer of worms blocking entry? It is not for me to say how your heart shall stand in wonder why the bees have found another home.
    I liked the lyrical foundation,it flowed nicely.
    This is a good treatis on disrupted love.
    | Posted on 2008-04-08 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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