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    dots Submission Name: Remodelling Of The Heartdots

    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1326

       The only person doing any remodelling in my heart is myself. Wouldn't you agree?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRemodelling Of The Heartdots

    The doors have opened to my chambers
    As I welcome you with loyal grace.
    No soul ever rested between these walls
    The best of privileges are all yours.
    Use whatever you please at your disposal
    For you are king in this heart of mine.

    Golden rooms blinded beauty to your sight.

    The land has many gardens for walking
    Hold my hand as I guide you to the light.
    No darkness shall reveal itself to you
    My guards are protecting their secrets.
    Fall in love with all that I have to offer
    For this kingdom can be yours some day.

    Green trees whispered too softly in your ears.

    I let you touch all that I ever cherished
    Not knowing the filth of your hands.
    I let you acquire what my soul held dear
    You turned my chambers into dungeons
    No pieces are left of what it was once
    No memories of why you were welcomed.

    Sharp edges fascinated your sense of rush.

    The doors are still opened for you to enter
    But not to claim the throne I possess.
    These walls will remain painted in gold
    Persistent with all the values I hold dear.
    Modifications are not yours to be taken
    I will decide how my heart be remodelled.

    Submitted on 2008-04-07 20:19:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Reply:Warm and Sweet As Bread

    A superbly written poem expressing virtue, intimacy and commitment

    I feel a great sense of passion and compassion in this poem.

    Your poem possess a nice even ebb and flow, like the ocean waves upon the shore

    This poetic piece possess imagery, clarity and sincerity from beginning to the end

    You tell a great story in this and you captured my imagination, about the window of love

    How fragile we are...fragile we are

    Please stop by to read some of my other poems:

    "The Gray and The Gold"
    "Piercing Clouds"
    "Six White Horses"

    God bless and keep sharing
    | Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by FireFly747 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow!!! A well-written piece.. Wonderful images such as that garden and the walls.. I'll add this piece as a favourite of mine.

    I really liked the whole poem and the way you succeed to express as " realpoet " said the first two stanzas are really praiseworthy then crash, bang and the third the hammer fall.

    What I liked most:
    " The doors are still opened for you to enter
    But not to claim the throne I possess. "
    So great.. Go on.
    | Posted on 2008-04-09 00:00:00 | by Khaled AbdAllah | [ Reply to This ]
      Go, girl , go ! The heart may be broad and spacious but it is the owner which holds the toll ticket to enter. I was a little taken back. The first two stanzas were praiseworthy then crash, bang , the third stanza let the hammer fall. I like, "No memories of why you were welcomed."
    Quite a sassy piece. I see there is much remodeling to be done to erase the "dirty hands" from the walls. Still there is an offer of a second try. Good work.
    | Posted on 2008-04-08 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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