Tempting... but no by MC white

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Tempting... but no dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	MC white
ASL Info:	20/Male/Ohio
Elite Ratio:	3.26 - 71/73/45
Words:	124

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	711
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	760

Description:
Tonight.

Tempting... but no dots

-------------------------------------------

Her smoke filled my car as her story unfolded
she'd just broken up with her him.
I liked her and all, don't get me wrong
But I viewed her as mostly a friend.

I wanted coffee, she wanted beer
we drove to a bar that she knew.
We talked about him, we talked about mine
Air thick from the smoke that we blew.

The hours wore on, I lost the dart game
we laughed with the fools at the bar.
Her eyes kept constantly searching my face
We left cuz her home wasn't far.

We pulled up, I shifted from drive to reverse
something she did not overlook.
Snatching her purse, see you tomorrow
I'm sorry, my hearts just been took.

Submitted on 2008-04-08 00:43:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I really like the honesty and straight-forward wording in your poetry, makes me really feel like I am a part of the scene you create. I love the very small and ver important details you include, and the small analogies, like the shift of the gears of the car. Good work, I really enjoyed the read.
| Posted on 2008-04-08 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

159976

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
This written by Chelebel
It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
Giving written by jjd
Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
Linger written by saartha
One Thing written by Wolfwatching
untitled written by Chelebel
Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
To Glow written by krs3332003
You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
It's Night Now written by RisingSon
In My Head written by faideddarkness
A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
The Promise written by annie0888
The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
Wish written by Daniel Barlow
Trails written by Daniel Barlow
Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
new moon written by CrypticBard
Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
Bond written by saartha

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.