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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: where my lover's tree becomesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 581
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 970



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhere my lover's tree becomesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the red of love
    & the robin's song
    emits light bubbles
    & tongues the air
    with sheer delight
    in the face
    of my busted cathedral.
    & i'm only almost always
    the feathers left behind
    where the angels
    watch the sky die
    till the end of time
    where my lover's tree becomes
    the absolute
    of everything.

    in venusian feral wonderment
    we spread our legs
    through mirrors
    where our holes make meals
    of each other.
    the geometry is simple
    & ancient.
    ice floes form the fingertips
    of one tiny thousand dreams.
    a stillness blossoms in the eyes
    waking up orange mounds
    of sighs.
    any tendency toward symmetry
    guides the secret interior
    to its fiery heaven
    where the scent of hours
    drifts endlessly to a point
    of perfect rest.




    Submitted on 2008-04-08 21:34:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Parts of this are like opening up to the sky. But that cryptic thing you have going on is sometimes just lost on me.

    I love:

    & i'm only almost always
    the feathers left behind
    where the angels
    watch the sky die
    till the end of time
    where my lover's tree becomes
    the absolute
    of everything.

    but I was lost by "of one tiny thousand dreams"

    I also found the one section of rhyme to be distracting:

    a stillness blossoms in the eyes
    waking up orange mounds
    of sighs.

    My favorite lines are:

    we spread our legs
    through mirrors
    where our holes make meals
    of each other.
    the geometry is simple
    & ancient.

    I'd call that stunning.

    Again, I just wish I had the complete picture. It's like looking at the negative of a photograph. I can make out the shapes of things but I can't "see" what you saw when you snapped the shot. Does that make sense?


    | Posted on 2008-06-04 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this. you have some unique imagery that's very effective for me. good job.
    | Posted on 2008-04-10 00:00:00 | by Myopic | [ Reply to This ]


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