Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: and in the moning there's lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: robertbwell
    ASL Info:    23/m/Wyoming
    Elite Ratio:    3 - 92/150/75
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 922
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1051



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsand in the moning there's lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I woke up this morning and I loved you
    It still lingered from a dream where I saw you
    And the whole day that followed
    You followed with it
    You alone, moving so relentless
    And I felt as dark as your hair
    As pale as your skin under the moon
    The softest white, so stark and smooth
    I felt as if I could hardly move
    This dream, this vision of you
    Haunting in itís linger
    It owns my eyes well as the tips of my fingers
    And each key stroke, is but a still frame of you
    Moving close behind, the way that you do
    Slowly creeping, steadily breathing
    Aware of my reluctance and all that is aching
    Inside this hollow shell you have left in your wake
    Filled with all of visions I just canít shake
    Like you with your glasses on the tip of your nose
    With nothing else distracting, your white skin and no clothes
    I woke up this morning and I loved you
    And , like every day, I just canít shake you






    Submitted on 2008-04-09 10:40:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What really stuck out the most for me was this feeling that you knew and wanted this person so well, but that it was a feeling that your readers would never be able to understand. Your description of this person is very concise, but the features you choose to describe are unique in a way that is too personal to generalize.

    I did like the way this poem flowed, but I was hoping to see just a bit more word variation. It wasn't a big deal though, and didn't make it any less interesting.

    Keep it up, I enjoyed this.
    | Posted on 2008-04-09 00:00:00 | by Raistlin Sith | [ Reply to This ]
      I was just enthralled and taken in right from the get go - the title - the opening words and the feeling that just through conveyance drew me in.
    Awesome!
    love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif
    | Posted on 2008-04-09 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    160028

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry