Here Lies Little Kayla
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Description:
I feel like the inspiration started to dwindle near the end. I edited it a lot.....
Anyways.... Question
Does anyone know the correct way to spell lies like on a tomb stone 'Here lies'??? I'm pretty sure what i wrote is incorrect, but you gegt the idea of what i was trying to say
Anyways.... Question
Does anyone know the correct way to spell lies like on a tomb stone 'Here lies'??? I'm pretty sure what i wrote is incorrect, but you gegt the idea of what i was trying to say
Here Lies Little Kayla
Here lies Little Kayla, She killed herself last night. No one knows the reason, No one knows the why. This Little Kayla never smiled She always cried and cried. She always looked at you with a blank stare, Sending shivers down your spine. It was a shock to see, Little Kayla in her coffin so serene. She hid her emotions well, So her thoughts were a mystery. Little Kayla wrote a note, To say goodbye to friends. There were tear stains smudging the ink, Where she signed her name in red. She told us she didn't want to hurt us, But she was tired of pretending she was alright. She grabbed the pills and slit her wrist, Pulling the sheets up over her height. Little Kayla smiled, Feeling the loss of blood first. She closed her eyes and waited, Knowing the end was close Then the pills started to grab her soul, Holding on and not letting go. One last pull and it would be over, She would be living no more. Little Kayla was a sweet child, With problems in her life. They could have been worse But they were bad for her and suicide was her way out When she was found that morning, She looked angelic. Pale skin, eyes closed, And a small smile adorning her face. Her mother cried, her father cried, even her hated brother. They read the note, And they will read this poem, Hopefully they'll understand her actions. She will always remember the ones she left behind, And she'll miss them just as much. She hopes they won't get too sad, Because it's not that bad. Little Kayla wanted this in the end.... |
Submitted on 2008-04-09 14:35:24 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Word for word, this almost happened to me, all you would have to do is replace Kayla with Jenica. It was only a few weeks ago too... but I got a text from someone I like (See my poem, Curtis) asking me if I was coming to church that night, because he needed a ride. From one end of the spectrum to the other I know, but it happened and he ended up saving my life. I want to share what happened with him, but I just can't seem to find the words. Great write, once again, going on my favorite list. Lady Rose | Posted on 2009-03-13 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ] | This is really good, so full of sadness, yet peace. It is really amazing what you did with the ryhimng too. but maybe work on the first stanza a little? Anways, amazing poem, but dont ever do that! :P *hugs* | <3 Aang | Posted on 2008-09-16 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ] | I believe i wrote a similar poem like this a few years ago. This was really well written and seemed like it was really your death poem. Me, i got second thoughts, and a phone call from someone I really loved and still love to this day. He doesn't know what he did, but I still love him for it. | The lines were a little uneven at parts, so maybe if they were a bit more even, the poem would flow a little more. Besides that, it was really well written and I enjoyed reading it. Nice Write ~*~katara~*~ | Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ] | wow...this kind of makes me sad because my name is kayla...lol....believe me...im not dead...lol. this is a good poem...but there are a lot of spots that dont really flow a whole lot. but with a lttle bit of shifting im sure it would sound perfect..good write tho | ~kayla~ | Posted on 2008-04-14 00:00:00 | by lonely goth | [ Reply to This ] | As for the question of lies or lays, I would say if the word "here" is used it would be here lays, It the word "there" is used it would be there lies. But the final say has to do with colloquilism. | This piece is a sad tale. I would say the ultimate cause of her death has somethin to do with parental neglect in not seeking medical help for the child's depression. I personally think that you have expertly used rhyme. In the third stanza and last two lines of last stanza you have used rhyme to show a transition from darkness into light. If there wer rhyme throughout , the piece would not be like one were telling of the event but rather a writing down of the event to be read by others. Also ,personally, I think such an event if rhymed too heavily would make the piece too ulgar in its expression of grief. | Posted on 2008-04-10 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ] | Ok, the first thing you need to do is go over the verses I've copied below and fix their rhyme schemes becuase they don't match the rest of the poem. | "Little Kayla smiled feeling the loss of blood first. She closed her eyes and waited, Knowing, The end would be soon. .... Little Kayla was a sweet child, With problems in her life. They could have been worse, But they were bad for her so she killed herself instead. She will always remeber the ones she left behind, And she'll miss them just as much. She hopes they won't get too sad, Because it's not that bad." Next, to really help the poem move along without losing the reader, try to put around the same number of syllables in each line. That will give the poem a more even rhythm, almost lyrical in a sense. Work on those things first, then you can go on to word choice and other things like that. Keep playing with this, you'll get it there. Good luck! Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure 'lies'is the correct spelling. ^_^ | Posted on 2008-04-09 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ] | |
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