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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fractured Piecesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BeautifulSoul
    ASL Info:    17/F/In
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 67/28/17
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 174
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 555



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFractured Piecesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My soul is but a center of fractured pieces,
    pain and agony folded together in creases.
    Each piece broken for those who left me behind,
    causing me to lose grip on reality and lose hold of my mind.
    Pain like this,
    I pray it never be shared.
    For even an enemy this pain should be spared.
    For no one deserves to walk like the undead,
    their bodies bloated from all the tears unshed.
    But the pain is better than the numb that comes after,
    for that is when insanity is added into the factor.




    Submitted on 2008-04-10 13:01:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      and there but for the grace of God, go I...........
    | Posted on 2008-10-07 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]
      great read! i loved the flow of the piece espeacially the rhyme scheme becaues that is something i very rarley do or it only happens in one or two stanzas. It takes a lot of work and a lot of thought to write something that dark where you can feel the emotions running right through it. Keep up the good work because you have a new fan!
    | Posted on 2008-09-16 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
      Well-written and most certainly reflective of the pain inside after a break up. You did well with the rhyming, too. There's a little typo in the last line that can be easily fixed (ino=+into). Good work, Sharon
    | Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very sad poem, but the feeling in it is so strong!!! Nice Job :)

    I especially like:

    For even an enemy this pain should be spared.

    their bodies bloated from all the tears unshed.

    And the title Fractured Pieces is very suitable indeed.
    | Posted on 2008-04-22 00:00:00 | by PrInCeToNgIrL | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. I absolutely loved it. I've been in that place before and I know how it is. My only advice is a little structure. Other than that is was great!!! Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    »Haely«
    | Posted on 2008-04-10 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch! A classic lover's lament of a long "gone south" and as broken as Humpty Dumpty... not all the king's horses and all the king's men... neat, nifty and prettey nicely done here.... bravo... bravo... bravo ....
    | Posted on 2008-04-10 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]


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