Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Death Deeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BeautifulSoul
    ASL Info:    17/F/In
    Elite Ratio:    6.61 - 90/79/38
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Gothic
    Total Views: 909
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 609



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath Deeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the dead of the night is when I shall roam,
    wondering what in the darkness I will be shown.
    Wondering into a cathedral under it's cross bearn dome,
    wondering how I have become eternity's to own.
    My skin a pallor so bright,
    it shines in the darkness of the night.
    Remembering back to my last earthly breath,
    when my love became my death.
    He came to me with that one sweet kiss,
    and said with his lips he would take away everything I miss.
    Greedily in love I had agreed,
    never knowing death was part of the deed.




    Submitted on 2008-04-10 13:26:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have to disagree with SweetAndOhSoME the line agrees. Tell me if I am wrong but you were trying to convey that he promised to take all your pain away that you were feeling and place it with nothing but happiness and love but in the end it left you dead something that was not part of the promise. I like the conveying of a vampire poem it is nice and dark. It shows really well. I have to say that this is one of your best poems. The mood of not hating or loving but indifferent was a good choice for this poem. I look forward to reading more of your poems
    | Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by DemonofHeaven | [ Reply to This ]
      and said with his lips he would take away everything I miss.

    ...

    I honestly don't know what to say about that line other than it just doesn't seem to agree with everything else.

    However, this is an enticing poem--which i believe was what it is trying to convey. The enticement of a vampire's kiss?

    Maybe...maybe not. Either way, great work!
    | Posted on 2008-05-01 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    160074

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    prison written by ShyOne
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    winners circle written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry