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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Questions for my Grandfatherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cirruculum
    ASL Info:    17/Male/SW Kansas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 36/35/17
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 85
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 942



    Description:
       My Grandfather was, and always will be, a source of inspiration for me. I hope that you like it.

    Have a good day,
    Cirruculum (JR)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsQuestions for my Grandfatherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The snow settled on the old pine trees like an x-ray,
    searching out some kind of cancer,
    and the best that I can do is wonder
    just exactly what you'd say about it.

    I was seven--almost eight, bouncing on a knee,
    and if I'd known anything of war
    not played with flimsy, dull-edged cards
    around an old extendable kitchen table
    every two Sundays, I might have asked.

    I'll bet it changes people, war, I mean.
    Lead-tipped and trigger-operated
    death, strafing all those mothers' sons,
    mortars like small-town fireworks,
    and everything I've read about.

    It's cold here, and my footprints explode
    into this inch or two, and then disappear,
    lost with each gust of wind. And if I could,
    I'd ask how a kid no older than me
    can get sent to hell and live to talk about it.




    Submitted on 2008-04-11 14:11:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Unlike the previous comment, I think that this poem is rich in messages.

    One about the importance of grandparents in life and the harshness of something you might have never known: war.

    I am someone who has lived wars on and off all her life. Definitely it is life altering experience from a virtual point in my case. The idea of what might have been, if there were no war.

    I dunno how you link the war to your grandfather, but through the whole poem we see how close you were to him and this whimsical tone used by a kid with his "older friend".
    Your imagery is very rich and continues in that childlike tone, it is somehow innocent.

    "Lead-tipped and trigger-operated death,"
    This is a very powerful image. It shows how life is easily discarded in wartime.

    I only wanted to read your poem and not comment, but honestly that first comment u got made me change my mind. Because it is totally unbecoming and does not do your writing justice, nor give it the due time.

    What I see is a very insightful poem coming from someone this young, nostalgic yet not whiny.
    You did a really good job in my opinion. Keep it up.

    Viviane

    | Posted on 2008-04-12 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      i wanted to check u out since u critiqued my peice,and see what u were all about...and i'd say this is a nice imagry peice @ ur age...altough i felt it lacked any true message,it had good imagery,it seems to me that if you are dedicated to writing you honestly got potential-just stick w/ it...and thanx for ur honest critique though it seemed to me that if u learned to embrace all ur emotions,anger,death,and so on u could learn alot and ur experiances would bring out depth w/in u that were scary,shocking and absolutely most educational...crazy
    | Posted on 2008-04-12 00:00:00 | by crazyphreshone | [ Reply to This ]


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