Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We are...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ollie_wicked
    ASL Info:    27?FEarth
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 320/200/90
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 747
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 660



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe are...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    We are the wake of a beautiful morning.
    We are the yellows and pinks that create a harmony.
    We are Everything, and yet we are young.
    We are What keeps this girl going.
    We are the greatest story
    We are the punch line and the moral.
    We are small and feminine.
    We are smiling faces and laughter.
    We are the thoughts that won't stop.
    We are memories of long past revived anew.
    We are the fallen angels of resistance.
    We are tolerance and acceptance who hold hands.

    We will lie in beautiful mornings of memories of pinks and yellows, forever smiling, forever laughing.




    Submitted on 2008-04-13 20:42:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it.
    | Posted on 2008-04-18 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the imagery in this, it's vivid and very beautiful, however, the construction of the last line seems a little sloppy to me.

    "We will lie forever in beautiful mornings,
    in memories
    of pinks and yellows,
    smiling, laughing faces."

    I feel it would flow a little better because you have these long lines in the body and then the end should gradually become smaller.

    None the less, this brought a smile to my face just imagining the scene.

    | Posted on 2008-04-13 00:00:00 | by AlmostEloquent | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    160166

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry