Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When It's all donedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: b_v_grant
    ASL Info:    23/M/Jamaica
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 125/118/69
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1531



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen It's all donedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Verse 1

    I feel like I'm missing,
    I'm feeling so scared,
    If only I'd listen,
    I'd known that they cared.
    Confusion surrounds me,
    Doubt and these fears,
    Its highly unlikely,
    I'll make it pass here.
    Cuz there's this question that I really don't know.

    Chorus

    When it's all done,
    And that day will soon come,
    I know its sounding real dumb,
    But I am not prepared.
    I am pretending,
    That inside isn't empty,
    I'm holding onto memories,
    I never should have kept,
    Never should have kept.

    Verse 2

    I wont be afraid,
    Of taking my last step,
    I take without shame.
    I'm strong on the surface,
    It's hard to get through,
    I never was perfect,
    Not even for you
    Cuz there's this question that I really don't know.

    Chorus

    Forget me,
    All this hurt inside I've learn to handle well.

    Deceiving,
    All this time I thought you could save me from myself.

    I don't know who I am....

    Chorus

    Forget me,
    All this hurt inside I've learn to handle well.

    Deceiving,
    All this time I thought you could save me from myself.

    I don't know who I am....
    I don't know who I am.





    Submitted on 2008-04-14 15:03:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I prefer if you use "I'm" instead of "I am" reads better I think, the guy below is right the chorus doesn't have that heavy feel as the verse before it maybe reworked a lttle. Anyhoo its nice to see you posting your black book no run out of pages yet lol. Go on chile do the damn thing then.

    Keep it cute,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2008-04-15 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a pretty good piece but i had two complaints. One was the chorus was almost cheesy, and the second verse did not match the same rhyme scheme as the first. Otherwise, the first verse was pretty good, and the third verse/bridge was very good. Overall, pretty good.
    | Posted on 2008-04-14 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    160202

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Mystery Read written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry