She ran away and hid today
In the corner of the meadow youll find her
Singing very quietly
Of secrets shes kept locked away
Twirling a stick between her fingers
Her voice soft and true
But yet the sadness lingers
Hopefull thoughts of tomarrow
But she wont let go
Of all her pain and sorrow
Running her finger over the edge of the stream
things are okay in that moment, though things are not always what they seem
So she will smile
And walk tall
Walk this endless mile
She can fool them all
unfortunately i haven't much time and wasnt really able to concentrate on this, but i did notice one spelling error upon which to comment in my limited frame:
We all put on our smiling mask at times, don't we! Sometimes I wonder how we learn to cover those feelings that are raging just under the surface. Do we do it to lessen our own pain or to try to protect others? As you can see, your piece got me thinking. One of the things I really enjoy about poetry is the chance to come out of hiding and show little bits of ourselves that the general public never sees. Keep that pen flowing! Sharon
One thing I found interesting was how the poem began rhyming and then ended rhyming. Was this done on purpose? to perhaps show the rhythm of her life; and then by taking a closer look at her, at who she really is and what's behind the mask, this rhythm is destroyed.
Yet by the end we get back to her mask and back to teh rhythm.
This was written very well. The flow wasa little off in places and I think you could've used more adjective, but other than that it was great. The imagery was very nice, I could see this happening in my head. I can relate to this very closely. I've been in her situation plenty of times and each time sucked. But it is great inspiration. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading
The dualistic expression of both hope and sorrow is very well defined. It has a good flow and is easy to read. What do you know, the first time I read this it becomes an instant favorite.
Submission Name: Hidden Girl
Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading