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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stained Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 505
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 667



    Description:
       This one is slightly out of order, shift it back one--I forgot to post it wrote it a couple of weeks ago, right after Never.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStained Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know I forgave you before
    The last time
    Many times
    But this is unforgivable

    You tried to save me the gore
    This past time
    This is the last time
    And this is unforgettable

    You have pushed me away
    I hope this is what you wanted
    Because this is what you get
    I知 leaving you today

    I値l forgive you in time
    But I値l never forget
    My heart will remind
    It swells as it cries

    You played me a fool
    In the end we値l see if it was worth it to you
    I値l never forget the torment you put me through
    It痴 unforgettable




    Submitted on 2008-04-17 02:27:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      forgiveable, forgettable, ah,please un-dress those words to naked assumptions that fools must have their melee in mirth regrettable.
    That's my read.
    | Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello!

    This was a nice poem, albeit pretty clich..

    Overall, i felt that the rhyme scheme is good, although it seems kind of off in the 4th stanza :/

    It actually seems more like a song to me, and it thought that even before i read the line that is the same as one in a song i wrote a couple years ago ("I知 leaving you today").

    Like i said, not bad, but maybe you could try digging a little deeper.

    The only feeling i got out of this was surface anger, and i can tell by the word choice that there's a little more there. this has a lot of potential, all it needs is depth.

    I havent read any of your other pieces so idk if this is habitual, but good poets hold nothing back in their poems :)

    You gotta put everything out there!


    Keep working!


    -Moz-
    | Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]


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