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    dots Submission Name: As the Sun Descendsdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 631

       I'm too drained right now to write. This is a few weeks old, and I like it sometimes and dislike it others. It's a bit longer than usual. This will sound silly, but I wrote it in third person because it's not about me. I often write about others from first person; however, I'm not doing the opposite this time.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs the Sun Descendsdots

    All of the vivid colors turn dull as the sun descends,
    for you never turn on the light.
    Soon the television will be all that illuminates the room,
    everything cloaked in black with occasional splotches of dim hues corrupted by flashes of Hollywood,
    but you've always lived in a fantasy world where the guy that beats you is handsome and dashing,
    and you're still beautiful with no wounds to show.
    I hope that you can find the glow you once possessed,
    the million giddy thoughts that used to light your eyes, for these outside sources fail to make you see.

    Submitted on 2004-07-01 08:43:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is sad. i know someone very much like this. the weird light of the t.v. set on in a dark room... trying to look at someone else's life so you don't have to think of your own. she sounds so lonely and sad.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how you described the whole situation, she sitting in front of the TV in a dark room. I can see it before me. it's a great poem with a good message. I just hope that it isn't adressed at somebody you know but pure imagination.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the phrase "a million giddy thoughts". i like the ring of it... it's very inspiring... overall, i like the write but could you explain the ending? it doesn't seem complete... like there is something more to say or that deliberate?
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      im liking this but i always say that...lol...sounds like your talking about someone hiding in there apartment livingtheir life through the tv and their imagination..telling people lies to get pitty from people...i dont im probably toatally off but i enjoyed it anyways...smiles ange...oh yeah...enjoy you trip to england...
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      You were a bit confused when you wrote this. Are you refering to yourself in the first and second person? I like parts of this. It's hard to describe the way a television lights a room. I've tried before myself. I think you have an overall concept here that could go places. I'd like to see you twist and add to it, rather than pare(sp) it down. I say that because I think paring it down is your instinct, and it would do this concept a disservice.

    It's not bad at all, but you're not satisfied with it, and neither am I. But don't throw it out. Work it out. I know my advice is very vague, but I don't want to influence the direction you take it in.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting but I'm not sure who the speaker is or who she is speaking to, is the speaker addressing herself? Regardless, it is a well put message about letting ourselves die inside, and the shallow life support mechanism that is sold as entertainment.
    I liked it,
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry...need to add more.

    And...she pretends her world is better than it is. The guy who beats her may as well be Robert Redford and she thinks the whole thing is just so glamorous.

    Some people cannot face reality. They cover it under a blanket of wishes.

    This struck a cord with me. I know someone like this too.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. People just did not get it did they?

    It's like she hides her brightness in this dimly lit room and iw basking in some kind of fantasy life. She used to have a brightness of her own, an imagination and verve that has become dulled by living vicariously through her flickering screen.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]

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