Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tally Chart of Momentsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 493
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1035



    Description:
       I worte this last ngiht at the SLAM. I didn't know I was gonna get picked and i had lost my last one before it so I didn't have one and I wrote this. ENJOY


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTally Chart of Momentsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You're stolen away from me,
    And I'm lost inside my soul.
    Nothing here's complete.
    Without you i'm not whole.
    Mesmerized by darkness,
    Trapped in a black hole.
    Memories of happiness,
    And a love i cant control.
    Waiting here, for you,
    for the return of what is MINE.
    Not exactly knowing,
    When I'll see you next time.
    And yet I love you dearly,
    Like artificially sweetened lime.
    Cuz its my favorite flavor,
    And you're my favorite guy.
    And I'm not ready to lose you,
    But the time keeps flying by.
    And with every second passing,
    I'm adding another line,
    To a tally chart of moments,
    That you could have shared with me.
    And I'm waiting for the hour,
    When we're finally free.
    We'll be flying over clouds,
    And dancing near the sea,
    When I'm lying next to you,
    And you're dreaming next to me.




    Submitted on 2008-04-17 12:56:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent! This has excellent structure, rhyme, and rhythm, and tells a wonderful story! Can't get much better than that!

    Well done, lovely lady!
    | Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    160328

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    untitled written by ShyOne
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Push written by JanePlane
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Carry written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Every..... written by jackz
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry