Description: Hahaha! It's been awhile since I wrote in meter/rhyme, and an equally long time since I've done something like this. Something about the sun today made me want to write trite poetry.
More flower meaning stuff. Lilacs again for first love, poppies for imagination, daisies for beauty and cheerfulness, and roses for (of course) passionate love.
Rhyming Days -------------------------------------------
The sun has shone again
through glen and field and fen,
and though old Winter glares
the flowers grow in layers.
Shy roses peer from overhead--
though we had thought them long-since dead,
but with the biting wind now gone
the birds have roused them with sweet song.
Around our feet brash poppies play
to celebrate the end of gray.
The daisies too cast out the gloom
and spin their leaves from nature's loom.
Betwixt us lilacs lay
so soft in sun-brushed day,
I cannot help but say:
I love you, come what may.
if i could be any flower i am more than sure i would be a daisy. they really do cast out gloom and even though theyre easily crushed they somehow bounce back [and they make the cutest braclets/necklaces too]
mostly im allergic to rhyme.
partly, as i have said many times before, because i cannot rhyme to save myself and partly coz very few can make rhyme work seamlessly. most people who use rhyme are not able to make any point when i read their words because i am distracted by the obvious rhymes theyve used. here however, and i do not say this biasedly, you have managed to make your rhyme so onpurpose its invisible to my ear/eye and your message comes through beautifully.
the only thing i vaguely struggle with is 'come what may' coz it makes me think of moulin rouge and ewan mcgregor lol
See, now there you go. A perfect example of a happy nature poem that describes moments and can be relatable to everyones soul. Very well done and not trite nor typical at all.
"the flowers grow in layers"
Excellent line. People grow in layers too, like the flowers. Everyone can relate to that and at the same time picture a flower and other things in nature that do the same. Like...a tree and its rings.
i randomly stumbled upon your piece, i thought it to be quite simple, in a beautiful sort of way. so many writers try to force the point, and this was a refreshing point of view. im not one much for flowers and such, but what an interesting way to define your instance of love and affection.
Well then, at first I was like, "hmm. love. I wonder what its going to say." and then, after reading it, I'm like, "Wow, that wasn't expected."
While the ideas of rebirth and passion were the very basis of this poem, it didn't seem cliché or trite. It was very cute and clean. The meter was very nicely executed as well as the vocabulary! What a cute poem.
Submission Name: Rhyming Days
