[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Rhyming Daysdots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 230/393/145
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1075
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 641

       Hahaha! It's been awhile since I wrote in meter/rhyme, and an equally long time since I've done something like this. Something about the sun today made me want to write trite poetry.

    More flower meaning stuff. Lilacs again for first love, poppies for imagination, daisies for beauty and cheerfulness, and roses for (of course) passionate love.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRhyming Daysdots

    The sun has shone again
    through glen and field and fen,
    and though old Winter glares
    the flowers grow in layers.

    Shy roses peer from overhead--
    though we had thought them long-since dead,
    but with the biting wind now gone
    the birds have roused them with sweet song.

    Around our feet brash poppies play
    to celebrate the end of gray.
    The daisies too cast out the gloom
    and spin their leaves from nature's loom.

    Betwixt us lilacs lay
    so soft in sun-brushed day,
    I cannot help but say:
    I love you, come what may.

    Submitted on 2008-04-17 15:47:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      if i could be any flower i am more than sure i would be a daisy. they really do cast out gloom and even though theyre easily crushed they somehow bounce back [and they make the cutest braclets/necklaces too]

    mostly im allergic to rhyme.
    partly, as i have said many times before, because i cannot rhyme to save myself and partly coz very few can make rhyme work seamlessly. most people who use rhyme are not able to make any point when i read their words because i am distracted by the obvious rhymes theyve used. here however, and i do not say this biasedly, you have managed to make your rhyme so onpurpose its invisible to my ear/eye and your message comes through beautifully.

    the only thing i vaguely struggle with is 'come what may' coz it makes me think of moulin rouge and ewan mcgregor lol
    | Posted on 2008-04-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      See, now there you go. A perfect example of a happy nature poem that describes moments and can be relatable to everyones soul. Very well done and not trite nor typical at all.

    "the flowers grow in layers"

    Excellent line. People grow in layers too, like the flowers. Everyone can relate to that and at the same time picture a flower and other things in nature that do the same. Like...a tree and its rings.

    Nice job. I liked this a lot.
    | Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      i randomly stumbled upon your piece, i thought it to be quite simple, in a beautiful sort of way. so many writers try to force the point, and this was a refreshing point of view. im not one much for flowers and such, but what an interesting way to define your instance of love and affection.

    well done.
    | Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by wonderbread1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well then, at first I was like, "hmm. love. I wonder what its going to say." and then, after reading it, I'm like, "Wow, that wasn't expected."

    While the ideas of rebirth and passion were the very basis of this poem, it didn't seem cliché or trite. It was very cute and clean. The meter was very nicely executed as well as the vocabulary! What a cute poem.

    The sun can do silly things to ones head.
    | Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]