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Penetrating Luminosity


For a number so fair,
I assemble here,
drowning in my own laughter,
the mockery of your snores,
so rhythmic, so smooth, so far away.

I fall asleep,
the muted hall light is left on
it is angled
forcing it’s exposing penetrating luminosity
through the door.

The mirror catches the strange glow,
not yellow warming,
one of harsh silver, not comforting
like the guiding north star,
or a wolf’s scream to the blinding circle,
in recognition and saddening agony.

The stream of light glides down my face,
they come faster and faster
each speck of glow,
fading down my cheek.

The bed cloth,
wrinkled and harsh is caught
so tangled within each other,
my toes catch the corners,
I yank it tight… but only the knots grasp tensely.

Extend the hand,
trace gentle the spine,
move it up,
tie a noose,
collapse the hands till the blood stops pulsating,
upon what once said three words.

I am the soldier
who sees the desolate horrors,
the men that shoot their own animals,
the man who nestles the school girls in their graves,
their black dresses dripping in their shreds of flesh.

Your back is turned,
the light doesn’t reach you,
it’s haunting,

I shine in the frozen metallic swords,
I’m caught in the terrors of night,
un-washable dirt sticks in the wounds,
I lay in my cave,
dark, damp, dirty
the walls crumble with each breath I let out,

I pray for this war to be over,
for you to come home to me,
for you to hold the soft yellow light
it will laugh,
and skip,
around the life we had.