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    dots Submission Name: {less-than-three}dots

    Author: Anticlownperson
    ASL Info:    16/f/nowhere land
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 248/390/118
    Words: 277
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1616

       This is an unfinished piece, but I wanted to see what people thought of it so far. It is written in dedication of the one boy I love more than anyone else in the world, so I want it to be as close to perfect as I can make it. So, let me know what you think!

    If it seems to read a bit oddly, it's because it was written as a slam poem, so it was meant to be performed in front of an audience.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Your fingers spun my backbone like DJs spinning records and you played music on my nerves like the strings of your guitar.

    I always knew I could sing, but you brought out my voice to mix with your notes and we held concerts for your pillows.

    I wrote our story on your skin with my nails, filling scratch marks and scars with memories I don't want to forget because you've always been better at remembering things and that makes me feel like a failure, like when you remembered our first kiss even when I couldn't; it was cold and raining, and we shivered together, arms pressed tight around our backs and I kissed you.

    I blocked out that memory so I wouldn't remember what came after it, but your gaze brings back memory like a half-cure for Alzheimer's and when I'm with you I only remember the good parts. The feel of your fingertips is burned on my skin and I'll never forget you again.

    I'm lying on your bed, more exposed than I ever thought I'd feel comfortable being, and suddenly, saying "I love you" just doesn't seem like enough because you're the first person who's ever made me feel beautiful.

    I'm not sure if I could live without your sensory music of fingertips and palms to guide my footsteps because the echo-location of my pounding heart just isn't enough without you there to help me when I stumble.

    I never knew what empty truly meant until the first time I left you and then had to wonder why the world had gotten dimmer.

    Submitted on 2008-04-20 00:31:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Truthfully, I think it was beautifully written. I think this is a really good start. And I get what you mean about wanting it to be perfect, don't we all want something to be perfect for that one person who just makes us feel so good inside?

    One thing I love about this is the amount of imagery you put in it. You tell it all, the audience don't have to wonder and guess about what is going on. It's like your trying to write a play or movie, and your writing the scene description.

    I really like the start of this, so when you finish it, could you send me a pm? I would like to read the ending of it.

    Nice Write
    | Posted on 2008-04-21 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]

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