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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Devour Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    18/F/The Emerald City
    Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 687/384/203
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 88
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 650



    Description:
       I dunno about it yet. It's fairly old. Last summer.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDevour Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    you all watch me with your hungry eyes
    and I wonder
    Would it hurt to let you devour me?

         The snow fell in great, abounding masses, piling haphazardly all around me. I breathed it all in, as happy and free as a child.
         You look down at me now, your eyes glazed and distant, you say these words without meaning, and I know you don't really see me.
         I am a snowflake, snall and fragile, falling and blowing to and fro. You try to catch me, to feel that freezing kiss, but you touch me and I melt away.





    Submitted on 2008-04-21 12:21:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Really nice, beautifully written.
    Very good imagery and flow.
    You need to fix "snall and fragile" to "small and frigile"
    but other than that really terrific,

    Thanks,
    Spin
    | Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a delicious piece... I love the sexual tension mixed in with the cold of winter (often a theme of my own!)

    The only thing I really caught was a typo, "snall and fragile" which should be small.

    Also your capitalization of the beginning lines, which could have been artistic, which I understand.

    You try to catch me, to feel that freezing kiss, but you touch me and I melt away.

    I feel like this a bit awkward with the "but you touch me" it seems a bit redundant...

    Anywhoo, I really liked the imagery and the desire felt! Keep up the wonderful writes :)

    -Audrey
    | Posted on 2008-04-21 00:00:00 | by AlmostEloquent | [ Reply to This ]


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