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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Devour Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    20/F/Garden of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    6.15 - 711/397/207
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 650



    Description:
       I dunno about it yet. It's fairly old. Last summer.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDevour Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    you all watch me with your hungry eyes
    and I wonder
    Would it hurt to let you devour me?

         The snow fell in great, abounding masses, piling haphazardly all around me. I breathed it all in, as happy and free as a child.
         You look down at me now, your eyes glazed and distant, you say these words without meaning, and I know you don't really see me.
         I am a snowflake, snall and fragile, falling and blowing to and fro. You try to catch me, to feel that freezing kiss, but you touch me and I melt away.





    Submitted on 2008-04-21 12:21:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is delightful in its innocence, but it speaks in desperate philosophical overtones to the human psyche; we have all reached for something of beauty and substance dancing just at the end of our fingertips, only to capture it and in an instant, have it vaporize as though it never even really existed at all, leaving a faint, cold kiss to remind us it really was real.
    | Posted on 2010-03-29 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Really nice, beautifully written.
    Very good imagery and flow.
    You need to fix "snall and fragile" to "small and frigile"
    but other than that really terrific,

    Thanks,
    Spin
    | Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a delicious piece... I love the sexual tension mixed in with the cold of winter (often a theme of my own!)

    The only thing I really caught was a typo, "snall and fragile" which should be small.

    Also your capitalization of the beginning lines, which could have been artistic, which I understand.

    You try to catch me, to feel that freezing kiss, but you touch me and I melt away.

    I feel like this a bit awkward with the "but you touch me" it seems a bit redundant...

    Anywhoo, I really liked the imagery and the desire felt! Keep up the wonderful writes :)

    -Audrey
    | Posted on 2008-04-21 00:00:00 | by AlmostEloquent | [ Reply to This ]


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