[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Devour Medots

    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    20/F/Garden of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    6.15 - 711/397/207
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 650

       I dunno about it yet. It's fairly old. Last summer.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDevour Medots

    you all watch me with your hungry eyes
    and I wonder
    Would it hurt to let you devour me?

         The snow fell in great, abounding masses, piling haphazardly all around me. I breathed it all in, as happy and free as a child.
         You look down at me now, your eyes glazed and distant, you say these words without meaning, and I know you don't really see me.
         I am a snowflake, snall and fragile, falling and blowing to and fro. You try to catch me, to feel that freezing kiss, but you touch me and I melt away.

    Submitted on 2008-04-21 12:21:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is delightful in its innocence, but it speaks in desperate philosophical overtones to the human psyche; we have all reached for something of beauty and substance dancing just at the end of our fingertips, only to capture it and in an instant, have it vaporize as though it never even really existed at all, leaving a faint, cold kiss to remind us it really was real.
    | Posted on 2010-03-29 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Really nice, beautifully written.
    Very good imagery and flow.
    You need to fix "snall and fragile" to "small and frigile"
    but other than that really terrific,

    | Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a delicious piece... I love the sexual tension mixed in with the cold of winter (often a theme of my own!)

    The only thing I really caught was a typo, "snall and fragile" which should be small.

    Also your capitalization of the beginning lines, which could have been artistic, which I understand.

    You try to catch me, to feel that freezing kiss, but you touch me and I melt away.

    I feel like this a bit awkward with the "but you touch me" it seems a bit redundant...

    Anywhoo, I really liked the imagery and the desire felt! Keep up the wonderful writes :)

    | Posted on 2008-04-21 00:00:00 | by AlmostEloquent | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]