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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: hell is like a place on earthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cor
    ASL Info:    16/M/NY
    Elite Ratio:    2.28 - 28/24/30
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 155
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1048



    Description:
       This isn't my usual writing type and I didn't know if this should be a song. tell me if it sounds like it could be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshell is like a place on earthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    hell, thy name is earth
    with your tortured souls and your demons
    those who submit to the evil
    people need not worry of going to hell
    FOR IT IS ALREADY HERE
    death, anguish, and destruction
    have ruined these lands
    war, killing and torture
    roam freely to do as they please
    women, children, and men
    none would be spared
    hell, why have you come to torture us so

    Heaven, it's hard to believe in you but I do
    my unfaltering belief will hold strong
    for I will come out victorious
    even though
    Hell is like a place on earth
    set me free from these damned chains
    allow to enter and leave hell
    let those who follow be righteous

    save all the poor souls
    protect the benevolent until their job is done
    punish the evil and wicked
    all of this please
    people cry and doubt because
    hell is like a place on earth
    let us be free until the end of eternity and beyond




    Submitted on 2008-04-22 07:37:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      that's so true but there are good things on this earth too. remember not all is bad.
    | Posted on 2009-03-02 00:00:00 | by blackdemigod13 | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess with some changes here and there, it could be a really good rock song. I've can't really get a beat for it, because it doesn't rhyme. It's ok for poetry, but i don't think it works for lyrics. Like for instance, you could try,

    Hell, thy name is earth
    why do you come to torture us so?
    Evil people need not worry about hell,
    there's no worst place for them to go.
    With your tortured souls and your demons
    death, anguish, and destruction.
    You have ruined these lands,
    war, killing and corruption.
    Roam freely to do as they please
    women, children, and men
    When you take complete control
    None of it will matter then.

    The part starting with heaven could be the chorus, just a bit of changing and re-arranging. The idea of it is really good. Something like you would hear on a System of a Down cd. So I hope you listen to my advice, and if you do and change it, could u let me know? Thanks.

    Nice Write
    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2008-04-29 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]


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