LOVE IT!!!!!!!!1
KEEP WIGHTING!!!!
read some of my poems i think u would like them
im 12 and ppl keep saying there good, but i like urs more :P no lie!!!!!!!!!!
it was ok. i mean theres alot behind a rose then just it's beutey or how ever you spell it. i thought u realy got into deapth about how the thorns protect the rose and about how life was hunting the rose all in all good job keep up writeing and great first poem.
okies lets see what ya have to say and im writing this with a tilted head and its awesome but weird cause im weird sorry for digressing!
"The seed is sowed
The roots spread deeper
The seed cries for light in its plant to plant code
The thorns the roses keeper"
the first stanza is actually intresting, it draws the person in and i hate reading poems when i dont like it instantly. so far so good
though you do have seed twice in this stanza you may want to take that out so it doesnt clash.
"It cries for light in its plant to plant code."
basicly what you just said only reworded.
"Roses are Black in my eyes
The petals glow like stars in a midwinter stream
the thorn, fearful, like a wolfs cries
The petals curl and beam"
wow the imagry on this is kickass dear. what you put pops off the page, its really quite very good. im impressed.
"The petals wither away
The thorns turn blunt
The stem turns to decay
As life finishes its hunt."
you may want to take out "the stem turns to decay" to something more like
"the stem decays," or "the stem disintergrates"
or something a long those lines.
jesus i love how its ended though. i dont know why you havent got any comments yet. this is very well writen. i love it. Wow im actually really impressed. and that doesnt happen often.
Submission Name: The Rose (My first poem)
