The Blade by Spin

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Submission Name: The Blade dots

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Author:	Spin
Elite Ratio:	3.06 - 52/69/55
Words:	83

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	85
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	565

Description:

The Blade dots

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Face the passion...........

with our backs exposed
we bleed into the night,
to blend into the background
so sweet
that we let our thoughts
creep into bed with our imagination.

Kill the temporary devils
lust entrusted with greed
Years of hate escape
through your dilated pours
to fight the permanent need
so potent it could stain a bubble.

The only recourse lays within the blade,
.......only to be brave enough to live without it.

Submitted on 2008-04-23 13:20:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Um...your a retard...

my words actually do make sense,

its what we call gramatically correct,but your just a dumbass

or maybe your just so biased because I said your crap poem was so crap that you feel compelled to bash me,

good luck with your cutting poetry and lack of form,

Its so original and real...

Your a girls blouse

XXX

-Craig

PS: this actually still sucks:-)

| Posted on 2008-12-01 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
  Um...cutting poems are awfull no matter how good they are,

WB Yeats couldnt pull one off on a good day

so yeah Im sorry but if you write about cutting then Im not taking you seriously,

self-mutilation,so poetic...

or maybe just silly

-Craig
| Posted on 2008-11-30 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
  This was incredible, and I agree with blu, very passionate. Most poems about cutters tell the story of the person's suicide by cutting. This is different. Not something you see everyday.

"so sweet that we let our thoughts creep into bed with our imagination."

I love this part, its definatly unique. So....."uncliché".

Very good write

Anna
| Posted on 2008-05-02 00:00:00 | by Aethyx | [ Reply to This ]
  "Face the passion..........."

i dont get why this line is seperate from the second stanza, is there a specail reason for that?

"with our backs exposed
we bleed into the night,
to blend into the background
so sweet
that we let our thoughts
creep into bed with our imagination."

i love the last two lines. its not something i see everyday thank god, i do think this stanza could use a bit of work though, a bit of tweaking and messing with the words should do so.

"Kill the temporary devils
lust entrusted with greed
Years of hate escape
through your dilated pours
to fight the permanent need
so potent it could stain a bubble."

....
well this is a bit off. i think you should try and begin it in someway. by how it sounds you jump straight into it head first...if that makes sense.
it doesnt have to be all flamboiant, but try something like Lets kill the temporary devils or something along those lines and you should try and place commas in them

"The only recourse lays within the blade,
.......only to be brave enough to live without it."

this last part leaves me slightly puzzled also.

other than those minor detals this is a good poem. it may not be your greatest but surly not your worst sorry it took me so long to get to it

loves
Nikki

| Posted on 2008-04-30 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
  This was well written, and obviously passsionate. I think that you have a wonderful amount of skill in this. My absolute favorite line was "so potent it could stain a bubble"
That just tickles the piss out of me. And it is extremely poetic, too so....

nicely done
xoxo
| Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

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