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    dots Submission Name: Facing the Fantasydots

    Author: Peggy Paris
    ASL Info:    61/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 747/570/167
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1035

       This one was a contest entry using the phrase "these tears I cry." I thought I'd share it here and see what thoughts you might have.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFacing the Fantasydots

    There’s not a lot I wouldn’t do
    to chase away these thoughts of you.
    Despite the years of insight gained,
    I seem to be forever chained.
    Romantic moments filed away
    may disappear in light of day;
    but, after dreams have died at dawn,
    they come alive when day is gone.

    As stars and moon and tired eyes
    combine to conjure up more lies,
    you still return to haunt my night;
    and I succumb to hold you tight.
    Wherever love that’s lost must go,
    it surely drowns in tears that flow.
    These tears I cry are wasted here;
    I see that fact is crystal clear.

    Within the value of all time,
    you’re nothing more than one thin dime.
    That man I hoped would fill my life
    with love and friendship, never strife,
    was just a figment of my mind;
    my eyes, that missed your faults, were blind.
    These tears I cry, you’ll never see
    for you were just my fantasy.

    Submitted on 2008-04-26 20:56:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this alot, because it wasn't cliché, but easy for most people to relate to. It had a good flow to it, and only a couple parts seemed like forced rhymes, but overall, it did have a very natural rhythm to it. Good job, keep writing.
    | Posted on 2008-08-09 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      I can truly relate to this poem. One thing I really admire is how you can rhyme. I can seldom pull that off! This reminds me so much of something I've gone through recently that I could have written it myself...although probably not as well! It is very, very hard to pick my favorite part because all the lines hit the nail right on the head, but I'll go ahead and try:

    "was just a figment of my mind;
    my eyes, that missed your faults, were blind.
    These tears I cry, you’ll never see
    for you were just my fantasy."


    Yeah, that sums it up. I think this is beautiful and it sums up my emotions so fully that I wouldn't change a thing.

    | Posted on 2008-06-10 00:00:00 | by Seagirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Sharon, this is very poignant and touching - as all your pieces are!

    You have great flow and a message that comes from introspective moments.

    Very good!

    love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2008-04-29 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent, Sharon! It has an excellent structure, good rhyme scheme, and tells a delightful story!

    I'm amazed that you can take a challenge phrase, and write such a realistic and enjoyable poem from it!

    This one ought to be a contest winner!!

    | Posted on 2008-04-26 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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