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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scorched Tearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kersofmia
    ASL Info:    19/m/Mia
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 111/84/44
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 45
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 794



    Description:
       ...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScorched Tearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I roam my aching body,
    Searching for pains destination.
    Finding only a numb strangers touch
    During this desolate search.

    I cry out scorched tears
    That burn invisible trails.
    Exposing my weakest link,
    With a bullseye on my heart.

    Vunerable and wounded,
    So close to being roadkill.
    On life's highway of punishment,
    Motionless staring into headlights.

    My hopes reaching horrific ends,
    Tortured by a magnifying glass
    In the hands of a faceless culprit,
    Enjoying the sizzling sounds of dreams.

    And I cry out scorched tears,
    That burn invisible trails,
    And my pain swallowed into abyss,
    As my soul crumbles to its knees...




    Submitted on 2008-04-27 13:56:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the feelings you are trying to portray here. My understanding of them anyways, particularly the "Highway of punishment" theme. I and certainly other can relate.

    What would be nice to see is, can you identify the faceless culprit? Can you possibly identify with him? Is there a resolution?

    If not that's fine, but it leaves me with questions unanswered. You take the reader on a trip but they don't get to see the destination if you would. Either way a good expression of feelings. I can't comment on form and structure as mine is pretty terrible. Cheers.
    | Posted on 2008-04-28 00:00:00 | by Immortalis | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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