Last Lips by shadowmere88

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Submission Name: Last Lips dots

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Author:	shadowmere88
ASL Info:	19/M/Somewhere
Elite Ratio:	2.09 - 5/15/3
Words:	122

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	99
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	693

Description:

Last Lips dots

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When I look at your face
All I can see is the pain I caused
Every hope and dream we ever shared
All seem so distant, maybe even lost

The way your eyes looked at me
Every time your lips caressed mine
That one simple touch ones heart yearns for
But only believers seem to find

You were that princess I longed to rescue
You were the hope that wasn't far away
If only I would have listened
Maybe your love for me would have stayed

So as I lay here tonight I wonder
Will my heart ever be missed
Will I have to keep dreaming
Or will your lips be the last I kiss

Submitted on 2008-04-29 08:45:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This is a great poem. Tons of emotion, regret, and pain all expressed very well. Your very talented :)
| Posted on 2008-05-30 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]
  wow wowowowowowowowow AMAZING BRAVO! i wish i could come up with something like that. the ending its so perfect it ties everything together that was really amazing.... it was such a delicate subject to admit that you hurt someone and yet you still care very much about that person it was so pure and loving.... nice writing
-Anne
| Posted on 2008-05-30 00:00:00 | by annezah | [ Reply to This ]
  wow. this is sweet and gentle, a lovers lament. I like how you kept it fairly simple, with a touch of longing. I think that you did this quite well, however it might help if you tried something a tiny bit more complex next time?

peace
Maddie
| Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by Madelaine | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok, i really like this one. I thought your other one was good, this tops it.

Your poems are so simple but so intense, it's hard to explain.

This is well thought out and everything is under control, not all over the place.

It was just so sweet. I don't know how many times I'll say that, but it seems as if I'm going to say it on all of your poems for now on.

Once again, I agree with Fallyn Angel. You shouldn't change anything in this poem. It is really good the way it is.

Nice Write
~*~katara~*~
| Posted on 2008-05-05 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this poem and I can totally relate. Granted I am a girl but it's almost the same thing but in my case I had a prince instead of a princess. I'm gunna add this poem to my favorites because I could really relate in all honesty. It made me realize that I didn't listen to him as well and I now know that it was a bad thing to force him to do things. Which is wrong and I feel awful about it now. The whole thing was so clear and precise I could follow it fully. Don't change it. I really did like in all honesty. I wouldn't lie if I didn't like a poem. I haven't read a well-written one since my friend Hariet wrote a poem. *claps* I applaud your poetism!
| Posted on 2008-05-03 00:00:00 | by Fallyn Angel | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, man that's a good write. I like it. Give us more....

The Poor Man's Poet.
| Posted on 2008-04-29 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]

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