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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Broken China Dolldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Madelaine
    ASL Info:    18/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 52/16/7
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 847



    Description:
       I have an old eliteskills account that I took this from. I still have the old account, just don't use it as much.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Broken China Dolldots
    -------------------------------------------


    i sit so forlornly on the shelf
    these days i have to play by myself
    i lay between two teddy bears
    they want hugs but no-one cares
    across the room sits your toy box
    a rocking horse and stuffed fox

    i am old and fragile
    your china doll
    you used to hold me dear at night
    give me hugs, love me with all your might
    but these days i'm all alone
    without someone to call my own

    i sit forlornly on the shelf
    and watch you play all by yourself
    with big new toys
    that make all sorts of noise
    they flash and whirr
    and my sleep they disturb
    you just sit and tap at it
    and i know i dont mean a bit

    so forgotten that you
    wouldn't even notice if i left you....

    CRASH




    Submitted on 2008-04-29 12:58:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh this is so sad! But I loved it still. There are so many ways for this to be taken; your china doll can be a metaphor for so many feelings in relationship and life.

    This is a sad reality when you grow up and outgrow what you used to love fiercely. Fantastic work!
    | Posted on 2008-07-16 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      Great job with the symbolism of being rejected, neglected and lonely. The ending is so powerful...to me, it symbolizes suicide. It is beautifully tragic. You have a way of capturing those feelings in words that make a reader feel, not just read. I wouldn't change anything. Nice write.

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2008-05-22 00:00:00 | by Seagirl | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a message in this one that crashes into the reader and, hopefully, brings more awareness of those around who are lonely. Very good job! Sharon
    | Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad! It does an excellent job of conveying the mood of being neglected and overlooked!
    | Posted on 2008-05-13 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      An exceptionally poignant piece, ineffably sad and lovely. Highly visual and wonderfully evocative poem. I loved it, loved it, absolutely loved it! bravo... bravo... bravo... michael
    | Posted on 2008-04-29 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]


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